Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
by CPDRuzekFan
Summary: In order for this to make any sense please read Blissfully Beautifully Happy first. Adventures of the Ruzek family. Promises made and promises broken. The landing is hard when you fall from the pedastel. Pretty cryptic, I know. This was originally planned to be just a two part story, but it's gonna go a bit longer. Happy Reading!
1. Chapter 1

Laundry.

Her life now consisted of mountains of laundry and being a referee for their four children.

Four beautiful,lovable, yet crazy souls.

As Kim separated and stacked the clothes her mind drifted to their sweet Lucy, it always did. In the years since her death a lot had changed, they welcomed two more little people into their lives.

They had decided to try for one more baby, and they welcomed Michael Alvin in to their world, Mikey was three and gave new meaning to the word 'threenager' he was lucky he was cute.

He was supposed to be their last but it was clear the universe had other ideas. Mikey was just fifteen months old when she finally admitted that the two week long stomach bug wasn't a stomach bug after all.

She was pregnant.

Avery Jade was a beautiful surprise, and she completed their family.

She wasn't even six months old when Adam went in for a vasectomy he had tried to argue that it was an evasive surgery. That it was a rash decision, that they should explore other options, he wasn't ready for a surgical procedure.

Kim promptly reminded him of the five children they had, and how she had carried them for nine months and then pushed them out of her body.

The vasectomy was scheduled for two weeks later.

The piles of laundry finished, Kim took the chance to relax for a few minutes. The bus would be dropping Milo and Emme off within the hour. Milo was in his final year of elementary school and Emme a kindergartener. Emme was thrilled that she was able to ride the bus with her big brother, Milo wasn't.

Once Milo stepped foot in the house Mikey would be up from his nap. How the kid knew his big brother was home, Kim was clueless. Thankfully Milo tolerated Mikey a lot more than he did Emme.

Her older children seemed to be at each other's throats constantly, fighting over anything and everything.

The baby monitor sprang to life, Avery soft cries put an end to folding laundry she returned the neatly stacked piles to the laundry basket and set it on the landing for Adam to carry upstairs.

Avery was standing in the crib, "Hey princess!" Kim greeted her, scooping her from the crib, "oh sweetie you stink! I'd wake up too." She teased as she went about changing her diaper.

Milo rolled his eyes, "Stop it, Emme!" He slung his backpack over his shoulder, "why are you so dumb?"

Emme scrunched her face up in disgust, "You're not allowed to say that, remember? Daddy said you can't say it."

Milo pushed the door open and waited for his little sister to go inside, "Daddy's not here, is he?" He tossed the backpack on the floor and went to the fridge, "Look only one soda..I wonder who gets to drink it?" He teased, "Not you!"

"I'm gonna tell!" Emme retorted.

"Where's dad?" Milo asked as he followed Kim around the kitchen, "I've got a game tomorrow..does he remember?"

Kim lowered the heat on the vegetables on the stove, "He's at work. He remembers Milo. He is finishing a case it's been solved. All that's left is the paperwork."

Milo grabbed a stack of napkins, "Was it a bad one?"

They kept the children in the dark on much of Adam's work, but it was hard to ignore the changes a particularly hard case brought forth in Adam. He did his best but sometimes it was just too heavy and it was hard to disguise his stress.

"It was bad enough." Kim told him, "Milo, dad knows about your game. He will do be there" Kim could see the worry in his eyes, "Honey, you know Dad loves your games. He will be there.

"Whatever." Milo grumbled, he finished setting the table, "can I have some screen time?"

"Homework?"

"It's Friday, Mom. Only a worksheet and reading, and I already did it." Milo told her. He was a studious kid and one thing he stayed on top of was his schoolwork.

"Okay. You've got.." she checked the clock, "..thirty minutes."

"Thanks Mom." He grabbed his iPad from the countertop and brought it in the living room.

They had enacted strict technology rules, Milo was only ten and his internet use consisted of ridiculous games like Five Nights at Freddie's and Minecraft but she knew it wouldn't be long before he was using Snapchat and Facebook.

It was never too soon to implement some boundaries and they knew all to well social media was a two headed monster and their children wouldn't fall victim to it. Not if they could help it anyway.

"Macy said she's gonna marry Thomas, but Thomas is never gonna get married..I told them I'm gonna marry daddy.." Emme rattled on, "..or Milo."

"Gross!" Milo pretended to gag, "You can't marry dad, he's already married and he's your dad..and I'm not marrying you. That's nasty. I'm never getting married. Girls are gross."

The sound of the garage opening ended the conversation, the kids took off to meet Adam at the door, little Mikey trying to keep up with his older siblings.

"You won't leave me will you sweet Avery." Kim teased, knowing full well that if Avery had her way she'd be chasing after Adam with the rest of the them.

"Daddy!" Emme threw her arms around his waist, "I missed you so much!"

"I missed you too princess" Adam leaned down to kiss her head, "Mikey!" He lifted the toddler up under his arms, "Hey Milo..how's it going?"

The pair knocked knuckles, "Good. You're coming to my game tomorrow, right?" Milo followed him into the kitchen, "It's a big game dad, Coach says they're the best in the league. We can beat them though, cause we've got heart."

Adam dropped Mikey back in the chair, "Eat up kiddo." Adam kissed the top of his head, "I'll be there Milo." He turned his attention to Avery, "Ah, here's daddy's peanut." He kissed her cheek, "girl, get the food in your mouth." He laughed picking a few pieces of chicken from what little hair she had.

Kim graciously accepted the chaste kiss Adam dropped on her lips, "Ah, I see where I fall on your priorities list, huh?" She caressed his cheek, "I'm glad your home."

"I'm glad to be home." Adam replied, "You're at the top of my list darlin', just you wait until the kids are in bed."

The buzzing was incessant and seemed to grow in intensity, Kim rolled over and nudged Adam's shoulder, "Adam. Babe, your phone is blowing up."

Adam ran his hand over his face, "Huh? The kids?" His voice was croaky and it was clear he was still half asleep. "What time is it?" Slowly becoming aware of what was going on.

Kim turned the small bedside lamp on, squinting as her eyes adjusted to the light, "Its just after two."

Adam sat up and grabbed the phone, "Ruzek" he kicked the sheets off and grabbed his jeans from the floor, "I'm on my way."

Kim propped herself up on her elbow, watching him as he dressed "New crime scene?"

Adam slipped his badge on his belt, "Yeah."

"Milo's game?" Kim knew how important it was to Milo, "you'll be there, right?"

He closed the door to the gun safe, "I will do my best."

"Adam.."

He groaned, "Kim, I know. I will be there, okay? Just tell Milo I will be there alright?" His frustration at the situation coming through loud and clear, "I love you." He leaned across the bed to kiss her.

She pulled him back towards her for a proper kiss, "Be careful, Adam."

"Mama" Kim coached Avery, "Mama. You say it baby girl. Say mama."

Avery chewed on toy dinosaur, "Dada!" Avery dropped the toy as she crawled across the couch and into Kim's lap.

"Not dada, say mama" Kim repeated.

Kim wasn't entirely sure, but she had a hunch that Milo and Adam had been working Avery, teaching her to say 'Dada' when prompted to say 'Mama', it was adorable.

"Dada."

"Silly girl." Kim tickled under her chin, "Dada's at work."

Milo bounded down the stairs, game day was the only day that had Milo moving so quickly, he sat on the arm of the couch, "Hey mom."

Kim gave his knee a squeeze, "Hey sweet boy."

"Game day." He grabbed the dinosaur, "Here Avery."

"You hungry?" Kim asked.

"Yeah, can we have waffles?" Milo moved to sit beside Avery on the couch, he grabbed the remote and started scrolling through the guide.

"We can. Go wake Mikey and Emme up for me. We can grab breakfast then head to the field."

Milo followed her into the kitchen, "Can I wake dad up too?"

Kim frowned, "He's working. He got called in very late last night"

Milo's shoulders sagged, "My game though. He said he'd be there, he promised me."

Kim stroked his cheek, "I know he did. He will be there. Don't worry, okay?"

"You sure?" He stood on the landing of the stairs.

"Yes, Milo." Kim replied, "go get your brother and sister up."


	2. Chapter 2

Milo kneeled down to double knot his cleats, they had just finished warming up and the captains selected. Milo was very proud of the red band around his arm, it identified him as the captain for his team.

A first for Milo, he wasn't the most skilled player on the team but his heart was the biggest on the team. He was a team player and just oozed quality sportsmanship, he was a coach's dream.

He busted his ass at every practice and played his heart out, he never complained about how much playing time he received and always put the needs of the team above his own.

As he stood up he took one last look at the bleachers, his shoulders dropping a bit when he didn't see his dad in the crowd.

Kim felt her heart flutter when Milo looked in her direction, it was clear he was looking for Adam.

She sucked her teeth, "Come on Adam.." she looked over her shoulder at the parking lot hoping she'd see Adam headed their way.

"You looking for someone?" Molly Riggins asked, she bounced Avery on her knee, "This little girl is so precious Kim."

Molly was Jake's mom, Jake and Milo were best friends and had been since Molly and her husband Todd moved in a few houses down from Kim and Adam. Jake was always at their house and Adam often referred to him as Otis. Both boys had gotten a kick out of Adam telling them the story of how Milo got his name.

"My husband." A hint of aggravation in her voice, "He promised Milo he'd make the game, but as you can see.." she handed Mikey his cup, "He's not called him this morning and he promised he'd be here."

"He's still got time."

Kim knew Molly was right, "I know that..I don't think Milo does. Look at him." She pointed to the field, "He's looking for him."

"Mommy, I potty?" Mikey leaned on her knees.

Kim glanced towards the field once more and then back to the parking lot. She sighed heavily, the captains had gathered in the center of the field.

Milo was bouncing on his toes, his eyes darting around in search of his father. He checked the bleachers once more hoping that his dad would be beside his mother. Only to find his mother was no longer among the group of parents.

He kicked at the dirt, muttering a few curses under his breath, and turning to the referee and following his direction.

"Alright boys, great game." Coach Meyers applauded, "I'm really proud of you guys this was a hard fought game and we came out on the right side." He rested a foot on the cooler, "Great game Milo! You had a lot of quality touches today, a goal is close buddy I can feel it." He wrapped an arm around Milo's shoulders, "Practice Wednesday and our next game is Saturday. Drive safe everyone."

Kim was incensed, Adam was a no show and he had yet to respond to one of the numerous text messages she had sent nor had he listened to the voicemail she left. Had he listened to it, he would've called her back, it wasn't a pleasant message.

She was going to have his balls when he got home.

"Milo! You winned?" Mikey asked.

"Yup." Milo muttered.

Kim glanced in the rear view mirror at him, he was visibly upset. "It was a great game baby."

"Yup." Milo leaned his head against the window.

Emme looked up from her tablet, "Where's daddy? He didn't come."

Milo rolled his eyes, "Working..like always."

"I appreciate all your hard work" Voight addressed his team, they had finally nabbed their guy, "I know it's been a long day and I pushed you all to your breaking point..but we got him."

Everyone knew how important it was to get the guy off the streets and they had done that, but it had come at a steep price.

Both Halstead and Ruzek had each taken a pretty significant beating in the attempt to subdue their guy. Jay had taken the brunt of it, including a broken nose.

It wasn't what hurt Adam, in fact he gladly would have his ass kicked instead of going home. Judging by the numerous text messages and the two voicemails from Kim, Adam was in deep shit.

He knew that though, he knew he had hurt Milo.

That hurt more than anything.

He sat opposite his locker, his head hung.

Al straddled the bench beside him, "You alright?"

Adam shook his head before sucking his teeth, "Nah, O. I'm not. I missed my kid's game. I told him I'd be there..and I was a no show."

Al clamped a hand around Adam's shoulder, "You were working."

Adam stood up, he opened the locker and grabbed his bag, "I don't think that's gonna make it better, Kim's pissed." He slammed it shut. "Take it easy." He didn't even bother calling her, he figured it was best to just get his ass home and hope for the best.

Truthfully, nothing Kim could say or do would make him feel any worse than he already felt. He knew all too well what it was like not having a parent show up to his games, his mother never showed her face at anything he had going on as a kid.

Kim finished up what was left of her paperwork, she worked part time at her sister's law firm. She would go over her sister's hastily written case notes and enter them into the client's file on the computer, she also kept track of all case related meetings and hearings.

Nicole would be lost with out her, it was a mutually beneficial arrangement. Kim was able to work from home and made her own hours, working around ball games and dance recitals. It also saved Nicole a few dollars, Kim worked for next to nothing an actual assistant would cost at least thirty grand a year.

Her anger had been churning in her gut all day and only intensified during dinner. Poor Milo was miserable, he had played well and Adam hadn't been there to witness it. It killed Kim to see the sadness on his face when they loaded up and left the field. She could see that he was still holding out hope that Adam would show up at the field. Kim knew that Milo wouldn't have cared that the game was over, but at least Adam would've shown up.

The headlights lit up the living room, and Kim turned the television off, it was just after midnight.

Kim stood in the foyer, her arms folded across her chest.

Adam frowned, "I'm sorry." He blurted out as soon as he stepped foot in the house, "I'm so sorry."

Kim felt her lip curl, "I'm not the one you need to apologize to, what the fuck happened?" She ignored his bruised face, and the small cut on his cheekbone. "You promised him!"

Adam unholstered his gun and locked it up, "I know..what was I supposed to do? Huh? Just leave?"

"How about not making a promise to our ten year old son, when you know damn well you can't keep it, how about that Adam? He cried himself to sleep Adam! You broke his heart!"

Adam pounded his fist on the sideboard, "I fucking know that, alright? I hate it. I hate that I hurt our boy, I thought I'd be able to get away." That was the truth, he had been able to get away for an hour or two in the past, but this case was different. It didn't help that Voight had the mayor breathing down his neck.

"I'm so disappointed in you Adam." Kim discreetly wiped a few tears away, "I'm going to bed."

Adam blew out an exasperated breath as Kim stormed off to their bedroom, he knew she needed some time to cool down, he'd give her that.

He took the stairs two at a time and went to Milo's bedroom, he carefully opened the door to his son's bedroom, the television still on. The room was a disaster zone, legos strewn across the carpet, along with some of Mikey's plastic dinosaurs. Milo would complain about Mikey constantly hanging around but Adam knew Milo enjoyed playing with his little brother.

Milo was a beautiful boy, Adam sat on the edge of the bed. He ran his hand softly over the mop of dirty blonde hair, it was constantly in the kid's eyes. Milo refused to cut his 'flow', Kim tolerated the hair for the most part just as she tolerated Adam's hair.

"I'm sorry kid." Adam whispered before leaning down to kiss Milo's forehead, "I love you Mi, more then you'll ever know." He swiped at the few tears that had filled his eyes.

"Dad?" Milo mumbled as he ran a hand over his face, "You didn't come..."

A nice kick to the balls, "I know man. I'm sorry. I couldn't get away, I hated it."

Milo sat up, "You promised though. You said you would come. It was a promise. You're not supposed to break those, dad. You said that." His voice cracking as he spoke, he absentmindedly played with the tag on the comforter.

The hits kept on coming, Milo tossing his own words back at him. They had taught their children about keeping their word, and that they shouldn't promise something if they didn't intend to make good on the promise.

"I know, I was wrong. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to tell you I couldn't go to your game, and I was gonna duck out of work for a bit..but I couldn't get away. I should've called your mom and told you that I couldn't come. I didn't want to hurt you...but it was exactly what I did. I am so sorry, Milo. I hurt you and I will never forgive myself."

Milo shrugged, "Its okay, dad." He shrugged his shoulders.

"No it's not." Adam rested his forehead against Milo's "I love you."

"I love you too...who hit you daddy?" Milo asked as he touched Adam's cheek lightly, "A bad guy?"

"Yeah, but I'm okay. He got your uncle Jay good. Busted his nose." Adam leaned back against the headboard, "Tell me about your game." He changed the subject, "How'd it go? Did you guys win?"

"We did. I was the captain dad. It was so cool. We won four to two. Coach said I had my best game yet. I made some good passes, he thinks I'm gonna score soon. We've got a game Saturday ..you'll come right? Even though it's Avery's Birthday?"

Adam laid on his back, he pulled Milo against his chest, "Milo, I will do all I can to be there, okay? I hate missing your games."

Milo snuggled into Adam, "I hate it too. Can you lay with me for a little while, I missed you."

"I'm not going anywhere kid." Adam settled down into the mattress, the adrenaline had worn off and he suddenly felt as bruised and battered as he looked. He grimaced some as Milo rested his head on his chest, "Good night man."

Kim rolled over, reaching out for Adam.

When she felt nothing but blankets she went looking for him, surprised to find Adam and Milo snuggled together sleeping soundly. It warmed her heart to see them together, two peas in a pod. Two pieces of her heart.

She had noticed the bruising and cut on Adam's face the minute she laid eyes on him but she had ignored it. Her anger was greater than her concern for his well being, even with the soft glow of the television being the only light in the room she could still see the beginnings of a nasty black eye.

She stood up and kissed them both, and carefully pulled the blankets around them and turned the television off.

Her anger had abated some, and if Milo could forgive Adam; she could too.


	3. Chapter 3

The house was quiet, too quiet.

Adam ran his hand over the back of his neck and tried to work the kinks out, spending the night in Milo's bed was never fun or comfortable.

It was just before noon and he was shocked he had slept as long as he had, a sign that perhaps Kim was still pissed.

He contemplated grabbing a shower before going downstairs but decide it would be in his best interest to head downstairs. It was bad enough he had slept so late, he wasn't going to make it worse by showering.

Kim sat on the floor with Avery, the pair playing with some of Mikey's dinosaurs and Avery's blocks, "Look it's a blue one." Kim announced as she stacked the blue block on top of the red block tower, "Steady.." she helped Avery add a block.

Adam joined them on the rug, "Hi." His voice was timid and soft, "Good morning."

Avery crawled out of Kim's lap and into Adam's, at least his baby girl wasn't mad at him, "Dada!" She cooed as she tucked her head into the crook of Adam's arm

He kissed her head, "Hey Avie. I missed you." He kissed her head, "Where's everyone else?"

Kim started to clean the blocks up, "Your dad took them out for breakfast and to the park. They should be home before dinner."

Bob Ruzek was a very hands on grandfather and often took the kids for the day, and he had Milo and Emme over for sleepovers at least once a month, Mikey was desperate to spend the night but he hadn't been able to last for a whole night yet.

"How was Milo?" Adam asked, "I can't put into words how awful I feel Kim, you've got to know that."

Kim tossed the last of the blocks in the basket and moved to sit on the couch, "I know Adam. I was angry last night, but I know now it was never your intention to let Milo down. I know that you would've come if it was possible..."

Adam got up and sat next to her, Avery still in his lap. He reached for Kim's hand, "I should've called you..its just I was hoping I could get away. It just never happened though, we just got sucked in so quickly. Halstead and I ended up going undercover..there was no turning back at that point."

Kim reached up to touch his cheek, "What happened? Have you seen a doctor?" She knew how hard it was to get anyone from intelligence to the hospital, Adam was the worst of the bunch.

"I did. Platt made us both go. She helped out with the sting, nothing is broken. Halstead can't say the same, his nose was busted. Seems the pretty boy isn't quite so pretty anymore" he joked, "Are we okay?"

"We are, Adam." Kim leaned over and kissed him, "Milo thought it was pretty awesome that you slept in his bed...I didn't. I missed you being beside me."

He lifted Avery from his lap and set her on the floor, she happily crawled over to the toy box in the corner of the living room.

"Come here" Adam held his arms out for Kim, "I'm sorry. I never meant to stay in his room all night.."

Kim rested her head on his chest, "I woke up around three and I went to find you...you and Milo were all snuggled up in his bed, it was adorable. I didn't have the heart to wake you up."

Adam dipped his head to kiss her temple, "I kind of wish you had..you were mad at me. I never want to go to bed like that."

Kim looked up at him, "I wasn't mad, I was sad. Milo was crushed Adam, he was heartbroken."

"I know." Adam sighed, he was going to make it up to Milo.

And Kim.

"Alright squirts." Bob Ruzek corralled his grandchildren, "I should get you kids home." They'd been at the park for hours and no one really wanted to call it a day. He'd been working long hours, and while he no longer walked the beat he was still just as busy. He'd taken a job at the academy, teaching new recruits. While it had traditional hours he soon learned that a teacher worked their ass off. He was either formulating lessons, grading tests, or providing some help after hours.

He hadn't seen the kids in a few weeks and he had missed them, he shrugged, "How 'bout I call your mom and see if you can spend the night with me? That sound good?"

Emme jumped around, clapping her hands excitedly, "Yay!"

Milo pumped his fist in the air, Mikey leaned on Bob's thighs, "Me too?"

Bob grinned, "You ready to try again? Stay the whole night at Poppy's?"

Mikey nodded enthusiastically, "Yep! I'm a big boy."

Adam turned the monitor on before turning to leave Avery's room, she was out cold. Her little bottom up in the air as she slept, he glanced at the latest family photo that sat on the dresser.

Avery was about six months old at the time, the boys sat on either side of her while Emme sat in his lap, Kim held Avery in her lap Mikey held the framed photo in his lap. They had used the photographer who had taken Lucy's newborn photos and she had broached the subject of including Lucy in their family pictures. Kim jumped at the idea, though Adam took a bit of convincing but he was glad they did.

It was the only way Emme, Mikey, and Avery would know their big sister and it helped Milo to remember his little sister. Adam wasn't sure Milo truly remembered her, that he was just going off what Kim and Adam had told him but Milo was adamant that he remembered her. They continued to include Lucy in their family photos, Kim wouldn't have it any other way.

Kim poked her head in the room, "Your dad just called, he's keeping the kids over night."

Adam pulled the door closed and followed Kim downstairs, "Even Michael?"

"Even Michael." Kim smiled, she stood on her toes to wrap her arm around Adam's neck, "Knowing Mikey he won't last all night, but at least it gives us a few hours without kids once Avery is in bed."

Adam rested his hands on her hips, "What will we do with all this free time?"

Kim moved her hands from his neck to his cheeks, "I've got a few ideas."

"So good pops" Milo helped clean up after dinner, "How come dad can't cook like you?"

Bob chuckled, "Your dad is lost in the kitchen."

Milo bobbed his head up and down, "Yeah. So is mom."

Emme grabbed Bob's hand, "Now? Is it time?"

Bob glanced around the kitchen most of the mess from dinner had been cleaned up and whatever was left could wait, "Yeah. Now."

Milo rolled his eyes, "Let's go play video games Mikey, it's about to get weird."

Adam returned with the bowl of popcorn, "You're a genius!" He plopped down beside Kim, "Binge watching Game of Thrones has got to be your best idea yet."

He lifted his arm so Kim could snuggle in beside him, "I won't lie, I'm a little surprised you agreed. I thought you'd have other things in my mind." Kim ran her hand beneath his shirt and over his abdomen.

Adam tossed a handful of popcorn in his mouth, "Oh, I do. The night is still young darlin'."

Milo could hear the soft music coming from the living room, he paused the game and went into the hallway to watch. He may roll his eyes at the mention of it but he loved to watch his Poppy and sister as they danced to Lucy's song. It made him think of his little sister, and he liked how his grandfather's eyes lit up as he sang.

Emme grinned from ear to ear and swayed in time with the music.

Lucy wasn't taboo in their house, they talked about her often but it was usually accompanied by tears. Milo hated when his mother cried, so he stopped asking about her. In his grandfather's house it was different, Milo was certain it was the song and Emme. He didn't really understand why the song helped his Poppy, but it did. When Poppy talked about Lucy he smiled, and Milo really liked that.

 _Cellophane flowers of yellow and green_

 _Towering over your head_

 _Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes_

 _And she's gone_

 _Lucy in the sky with diamonds_

 _Lucy in the sky with diamonds_

 _Lucy in the sky with diamonds_

Bob spotted Milo watching from the hallway, "Hey kid.."

Emme let go of his hand. "I love you Lucy!" It was the way she ended every dance, and within seconds she was back at the table coloring in her coloring book. Happy as can be and without a care in the world, sadly that didn't seem to be the case for Milo.

"Are you okay Milo?" Bob asked placing his hand on his grandson's shoulder. Milo was so much like Adam, it often took Bob's breath away. Milo seemed to carry the weight of the world on his small shoulders.

Milo looked up at him, tears in his eyes, "I don't remember her."

"Dada!" Avery screeched as she climbed over Adam, the pair playing on the rug.

"Give dada some sugar, Avie." Adam wrapped his arms around her and accepted the sloppy kiss Avery offered, her mouth wide open and she refused to settle for anything less than his lips.

Adam continued to tease her, moving his face from side to side, only offering his cheek to her, Avery grabbed a hold of his face and held him still as she found her target, she smacked her lips as she kissed him.

Kim giggled, "Girl! You are so silly, can mama have a kiss?" She held her arms out to her daughter.

"No." Avery frowned, "Dada."

Adam roared with laughter, "That's my girl."

Kim scooped her up off of Adam, "Well, your girl needs to get to bed." Avery instantly snuggled into Kim's arms tucking her head under Kim's chin, her eyes fluttering closed, "Its bed time."

"Sweet dreams princess." Adam kissed the crown of her head as Kim made her way upstairs, "I will be waiting for you.." he smirked as he smacked Kim's ass when she walked by.

Bob had promised Milo they'd talk about Lucy once Mikey and Emme were settled in bed. Milo bounced his knee up and down as he waited for his grandfather to finish settling the younger kids in bed.

Milo picked up the framed photo, it was him and Lucy. He was sitting down and Lucy was in his lap, he ran his finger over the edge of the frame.

"That's my favorite picture." Bob sat down next to his grandson, "She was beautiful, and you loved her. Your face lit up like a Christmas tree the day your parents brought her home from the hospital. You were such a good big brother, you were so young Milo, it's not surprising that you don't remember Lucy. No one expects you to remember her."

Milo leaned into his grandfather's side, "I don't like that, I want to remember her." He felt his eyes begin to fill with tears, "Why do you dance to that song with Emme?"

Bob ran his hand through his thinning hair, "When we lost Lucy, I was devastated. I couldn't do anything to fix it, your dad? He's my little boy. He was so heartbroken and I couldn't fix it for him. I couldn't help your mom either, it was rough." He rambled, "anyway, I loved that song before Lucy. That song, well it's nice to think about Lucy that way."

"In the sky?"

"No, not really" he shrugged, "Maybe. It's hard to describe. I don't know. I love it, and I love dancing with Emme."

Milo scrunched his face up in disgust, "I don't. Dancing is weird."

Bob chuckled, "It won't always be Milo. I like to think that when Emme and I are dancing to that song, Lucy is with us." He wiped at his eyes, "I never got to dance with Lucy."

"How come mom and dad don't talk about Lucy?"

"What do you mean? They don't talk about her? At all?"

"Sometimes. Mom cries though, I don't like it when she cries. Dad cries sometimes, he tries to hide but I know he's crying." Milo looked up at Bob, "you're crying? I'm sorry. We don't have to talk about Lucy. I shouldn't have asked about her."

Milo went to get up from the couch, Bob stopped him, "Milo, don't apologize. It's hard to talk about Lucy sometimes, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't. In fact we should talk about her more, Lucy is important. Okay? I want to talk about her with you, okay? Whenever you want to talk about Lucy, I'm here."

Milo nodded, "Thanks!" He wrapped his arms around him, "I love you."

"I love you too buddy. I want you to know it's okay to cry."

"Ok. I'm gonna go watch television."

"You" Adam lay on his stomach, his head resting on Kim's stomach, "are amazing." He kissed her hip, "You rock my world every fucking time." He kissed his way across her stomach.

Kim tangled her hand in his hair, "Mmm" she hummed, "I do what I can."

"That you do.." Adam sat up and went to kiss her on the mouth when the phone rang Adam hung his head dejectedly, "How much do you wanna bet that's my dad?"

Kim sighed, "Well, it's the latest he's gone" she pointed to the alarm clock on the nightstand, "it's just after two."

"Nah, you didn't wake us. Just give me twenty minutes." Adam told his dad.

"Drive carefully," Kim told Adam.

"I will." Adam kissed her, "get some sleep."


	4. Chapter 4

Hank paced the length of his office, he was desperately trying to ignore the ache in his gut. This was a bad idea, it was too much. Dropping her in that world again could knock her on her ass.

Al ran his hands over his face, he had been at the briefing with Hank, he knew how big this was. He knew how important it was, and he knew why Hank was hesitant to agree.

"What're you thinking?" Al finally asked, "She'd do it. She wouldn't need to be asked twice."

Erin would never turn down a case, especially a case of this magnitude. She would jump at the chance, the woman had no fear and that was often a double edged sword. She always jumped head first into things, and many times it landed her in hot water.

"I don't know." Hank dropped down in his chair, "She's damn good police, Al. You know that as well as I do, but this is risky for anyone but especially Erin."

Al got up, "Hank, you've got to talk to her about it. The Feds asked you first as a courtesy, they're going to approach Erin about it. You can't keep this from her, she'll find out and she'll hate you for it." He knew how close Hank and Erin were, and he knew why Hank was reluctant.

"I know. I will." Hank sighed, "Thanks, Alvin."

"Emme, you can do it." Adam held the bike steady, "Trust me."

"I'm scared. What if I fall down?" Emerson looked at him, tears in her eyes. She lacked the self confidence that seemed to ooze from Milo and Michael both. Adam found it hard to believe that Kim had been the same way as a kid, but Nicole had backed up what Kim had told him.

"You will get up and we will try again." Adam kissed her forehead, "You can do this baby, I know it." He held the handlebars still, "You ready?"

Emme bit the corner of her bottom lip, "Okay, daddy. Don't let go. Not until I say so"

"Got it. Start to pedal, don't stop" he walked alongside her, picking up the pace a bit as she began to pedal faster, "You got it, go!" He resisted the urge to let go waiting for her to give him the go ahead.

"Let go daddy, let go!" She yelled, laughing as she finally figured it out and was able to ride the two wheeler in the cul-de-sac for the first time, "I'm doing it daddy!"

"Yes you are!" Adam hollered, "I knew you could do it!" He watched proudly as she maneuvered the bike like a pro, "Look at you go!"

It was the second week in a row he canceled on them and Kim wasn't going to ignore it any longer, the kids were in bed and she was going to address it.

Since Milo was about a year old they always had dinner with Bob on Saturdays, they all looked forward to it and Emme was in tears when she found out Bob was unable to make it yet again. The boys were just as miffed and Kim was certain Avery was too.

Adam was pretty grumpy himself, moping around quite a bit the last week or so. Kim couldn't take it any longer.

"So, are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" Kim asked Adam as she laid her head in his lap, a baseball game on television.

"The Yankees are killing the Cubs" Adam huffed, "Its disgusting." He tucked her hair behind her ear, "I hope we didn't sell our soul to the devil for the World Series win."

Kim grabbed the remote and turned the game off, she sat up "This is the second week in a row your dad cancelled on us. What's going on?"

Adam leaned his head back on the couch, "Nothing."

"Bullshit. What is going on? Did you have a fight with your dad?" Kim pulled her legs beneath her, "You've been in a shitty mood and your dad never cancels two weeks in a row."

"What'd you wanna talk about?" Jay took the beer from Erin, they had a rough go of it over the last few years but things seemed to have leveled off and it had been smooth sailing. They had bought a small house together just outside the city and felt no big rush to get married, in fact they'd both admitted that marriage wasn't for them.

Marriage worked for Adam and Kim, and Kevin and Kara but not for them nor were children in the cards for them. They both loved being aunt and uncle to KiKi and the Ruzek children.

"The Feds. They've offered me an undercover job" Erin watched him closely, "Its a big case, an alphabet soup of agencies involved in it."

Jay nodded, "Okay?"

"It's a long term case...well, it could be. It all depends on how quickly it all comes together. Ideally it would be wrapped in ninety days." Erin propped her feet up on the coffee table, "I can't give you any details, but Jay, it's important. I think I'm going to do it."

"Erin, if you want to do it. Do it. You don't have to ask me." Jay set his beer on the table, "If you take it..just promise me you'll be safe. Okay?"

"Cross my heart" Erin drew a cross over her heart, "Its still a few weeks out, a lot of moving parts. I'm going to be loaned out to the Feds, I've already worked my last shift out of the 21st."

"Wow" Jay curled his lip, "Its gonna be weird."

"Don't get used to the boys club, I am coming back" she leaned into his side.

"Good. I will hold you to that." Jay kissed her, "Gonna have to use our time wisely, won't we?" He smirked as he lay across her, running his hand inside the back of her yoga pants.

"Yes, sir." Erin laughed as he nibbled on her ear lobe.

Adam huffed as he shifted on the couch, the last thing he felt like discussing was his father and what he had told him.

Kim waited for him to start talking, the longer he remained silent the more concerned she became. "Did something happen between you and your dad?"

Adam leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees, "We kinda got into it."

"When?"

"The night I picked Mikey up." Adam twisted his wedding ring on his finger, "Milo said something to him, and he asked me about it. It's not a big deal. Don't worry about it."

Kim laughed, exasperated with her husband. "Bullshit it's not a big deal. That was two weeks ago, it explains why your dad canceled on us. The kids miss him. What could Milo have said that caused this?"

"Lucy." Adam looked at her from her peripheral vision, "He told my dad he was worried that he couldn't remember her."

Kim felt the breath being sucked from her lungs, "Oh..." she somehow managed to speak.

"Yeah." Adam got up from the couch and started to pace, "He said he was worried about Milo...about us." He placed his palms on the windowsill, "I told him we were good, that he didn't need to worry..."

Kim went to his side, "Adam, honey..."

He whipped around to face her, "I'm fine, Kim."

"You aren't, and that's okay. I know Adam." Kim explained, "I know that you wake up in the middle of the night and go downstairs or out back to cry. I know that you get lost in your head..."

Adam shook his head, "Stop. Just stop, okay? I don't want to have this conversation."

"We need to have this conversation. I think it's long overdue." Kim grabbed his hips, "I miss her so much, but what we are doing isn't working. Pretending you're okay isn't working. If Milo can sense it, and he's hurting over it...we need to stop. We need to talk about our daughter, Adam. We need to do it for her, for the kids, and for us."

Adam closed his eyes as he hung his head, he blew out a long breath "Okay."

"Start with calling your dad, Avery's birthday party is next week and he needs to be there." Kim held his face in her hands, "Then we need to talk to Milo."

 **A/N**

 **The first version of this chapter was lost, and it took a bit to get my shit together but here it is, I feel like this is better than the original chapter.**

 **You'll just have to take my word for it.**


	5. Chapter 5

A week had flown by, Adam had been working long hours and Kim had feared he would miss Avery's birthday party, thankfully the case had been solved and Adam was free for the next few days.

Milo was ecstatic when Adam announced that not only would he be taking Milo to his game but Bob would be joining them.

Adam had met up with Bob for a few drinks and the two talked, Adam apologized for his outbursts and Bob for putting Adam on the spot. Neither man really knew how to navigate such a loss and even eight years later it still tripped them up from time to time.

Kim had even pulled out the albums of photos that contained pictures of Milo and Lucy, pictures they hadn't realized they had.

It was months after her death when Adam dragged the camera out to one of Milo's first soccer games, Kim wasn't much for leaving the house back then and he promised to take plenty of photos.

After only a few shots of Milo waiting for the game to start, he received an error message letting him know the memory card was filled. As he flipped through the images he felt the oxygen being sucked from his lungs, gasping for air as he felt his eyes well with tears.

His daughter's sweet face filling the small LCD screen on the back of the camera, he quickly popped the lens cap back on and took pictures on his phone. As soon as the game finished he had the photos printed.

Kim filled three albums with the pictures, all 385 photos.

385 precious photos.

Looking at the albums had become part of their nightly bedtime routine, all of the kids enjoyed looking at them.

Milo loved to look at the albums, he often took one of them to bed with him. Choosing to spend his thirty minutes of screen time before bed flipping through the album.

Often declaring Lucy his angel-sister.

Kim finished what was left of her now stone cold coffee and got to work on getting the house ready for the party.

Adam was bouncing on his toes, the game was in its final minutes and Milo was playing his heart out. He was so damn proud of his son, Milo wasn't a natural athlete and wasn't all that skilled but he practiced and put in the time and Adam hoped he would reap the benefits of that hard work at some point.

It was clear the coach did as well, Milo's team was up by seven goals and the coach kept tossing Milo in the game. Typically Adam would frown upon running the score up on a team, but this was different. This was his boy and the team was trying to get him a goal.

He'd been playing since he was three and had yet to score a goal, Adam hoped that was about to change.

He watched as Milo charged down the field, just to the left of the kid they called 'Sunshine', he wasn't sure what the kid's name was but he was good. Really good. They called him 'Sunshine' because of the shoulder length blonde hair, the kid was a good kid, but a little strange.

"Go Milo!" Bob called out, "Atta boy!"

Adam ran down the line, "Keep going! Stay with him, son."

Milo glanced over his shoulder at his dad, and kicked it up a notch following Sunshine down the field.

"Milo!" Sunshine called out as he passed the ball to Milo, "Shoot it!"

Milo cocked his leg and fired the ball just inside the goal post and passed the outstretched hands of the goal keeper, he threw his hands in the air in celebration.

"You scored!" Sunshine was the first to congratulate Milo, within seconds the entire team swarmed Milo.

"You see that?" Adam yelled, "That's my boy! Yes, Milo-Man!" He exchanged high fives with a few of the other dads before hugging his own father.

Milo grinned from ear to ear, clapping his hands as they gathered in the center of the field to start playing again.

"You're a lifesaver, Erin." Kim had spent the morning running around like a lunatic trying to get ready for Avery's party, thankfully her sister had taken Emme and Mikey for a few hours. It would have been impossible to accomplish anything with Mikey home he was a bit of a wrecking ball and he was constantly annoying Emme. When Erin appeared on the doorstep, it nearly brought Kim to tears.

"No sweat. I need some time with my best friend before I leave. I'm a little bummed she's not here." She joked, Erin and Emerson were pretty tight, along with KiKi Atwater. The trio were quite the sight, and they had a monthly ritual of mani pedis and lunch together. "It's just as nice to hang with you..I guess." She affixed the last banner to the wall.

Kim laughed and rolled her eyes at the joke, "Adam was telling me about the case. Not that there's much to tell, when do you leave?" Kim asked her.

"It's intense. I leave Monday. I'm sorry I wasn't able to take Emme once more before I have to leave. Things are chaotic, between working and preparing to leave Jay to his own devices...well, it's been exhausting." She put the lid on the box of push pins and tossed it in the drawer, "I will make it up to her, I swear. I figure once I'm home, I will have her and KiKi over for a girls night. Maybe even a sleepover."

Kim put the finishing touches on the food table, "She'd love that. She's gonna miss you. I will too."

Erin put the bowl of chips on the counter, "Me too!" She hugged Kim, "You'll take care of Jay, right? He's useless on his own."

Kim pulled back, "Of course."

"I scored Mom!" Milo came running in, dropping his ball and bag in the mud room, "Sunshine passed it to me, and I kicked it so hard. It went to the back of the net, didn't it dad?" He looked up at Adam who stood behind him, his hands gripping his shoulders, "It was awesome, mom. Everyone cheered for me. Even the other team, and we beat them 8 to nothing. I scored the eighth goal."

Kim kissed his forehead, "That's great baby. I'm so proud of you." She stood on her toes to kiss Adam, "I'm sorry I missed it."

Milo shrugged, "Its okay. Poppy recorded it on his phone, he's gonna send it to dad" he turned to Adam, "You'll show mom, won't you?"

"Of course. I've got a few things to show mom." Adam smirked, "Hey Erin." He laughed as Erin rolled her eyes at him.

"Go shower, buddy. I put your clothes on your bed. Hurry up. Everyone will be here soon." Kim pushed him towards the stairs, "You too Adam."

Adam stole a few chips from the bowl, "I'm going." He smacked Kim's ass on his way past her.

"Kev, man. It was awesome" Adam downed what was left of his beer, "Sunshine set him up nicely, and Milo finished it perfectly."

"Sunshine?" Kevin arched an eyebrow at him, "Who names a kid that? Especially a boy."

Adam tossed his empty bottle in the in recycle bin, "Its a nickname. Not sure what his name is."

Emme came out on the deck, "Daddy, mommy said it's time for cake."

Adam scooped her up, "Let's go!"

"Shit..." Adam plopped down on the couch, "I think that's it."

The party had gone on for hours, Jay, Erin, Kevin, and Kara the last to leave. They had left about two hours ago, the kids had been in bed for nearly an hour now and the house was finally clean.

Kim pushed the insane stack of gifts to the corner of the room, Avery was a well loved little girl, and had received more gifts than she could possibly use.

"I'm exhausted." Kim cuddled up to Adam's side, "The house is finally clean. It was nice today, wasn't it?"

They were truly blessed with amazing friends, that had become family.

"It was a great day, though I was a bit surprised at Emme's meltdown when Erin left." Adam ran his thumb along Kim's wrist, "She know she's going to be out of town for awhile?"

Kim closed her eyes as she listened to sound of Adam's heart beating, "She does. Emerson needed to know, they're so close. I wanted her to be able to tell Erin goodbye. Even if it did break my heart watching her do so."

Emme had cried her eyes out as she hugged Erin, Kim was positive Erin was crying right along with her and KiKi both. Those girls loved Erin and their monthly trips to the nail salon and lunch.

"Hopefully she won't be gone to long" Adam turned to lay on his side, "Our kids are sleeping.." he kissed her neck, his hand gripping her hip, "how 'bout we have our own private party?"

NINE WEEKS LATER

She barely had time to brace for impact as she lost control of her sedan, it skidded across two lanes of traffic. She had tried to regain control of her car but her efforts were in vain, the car collided with the truck.

What had been chaotic had become eerily calm, she could hear crying but it seemed to be miles away.

Sirens.

Voices.

Voices she didn't recognize.

Faces.

Faces she didn't recognize.

Her eyes were heavy, they burned as blood trickled from a laceration on her forehead. She tried to reach up and touch her face only for her hands to be pulled away and restrained.

She tried to speak, it was impossible. Her tongue felt thick, her head ached. She was tired, so fucking tired.

It was getting harder to focus, her vision was blurry. She couldn't fight it anymore, she let go.

She gave up.

 **Well?**

 **At least the emails about updates seem to be working again! Thanks for reading!**


	6. Chapter 6

Kevin grabbed another file folder of the never ending stack on his desk, it was amazing how one person's fuck up could have such ripple effect. A detective in the VICE unit had screwed up an arrest report, a minor mistake at first glance but one that had been enough to get the charges dropped.

Now they had to go over all their reports with a fine tooth comb, no one wanted to have a repeat. They all knew they'd lose their spot in intelligence if it happened to one of their cases.

"Who the fuck doesn't make sure they've got the correct info?" He asked to no one in particular, "it's such a careless mistake."

Al kicked his feet up on his desk, "Coppers get comfortable. Think they've got it all figured out and that's when they start fucking up." He clasped his hands together behind his head, "Don't get complacent boys. You do that and you get sloppy. Voight will bounce you so quick you're fucking head will spin."

Adam rolled his eyes, "We got it old man. We got it." He was getting antsy, he never enjoyed the downtime. They had been quiet for the last couple of days and it was getting to the point where the commander would find shit for them to do.

If something didn't pop off soon they'd be looking at 'professional development', Adam would rather get kicked in the balls. "Hey, Kev..you still good for drinks tonight?"

Kevin tossed his pen on the desk, "I am. Been too long." They all liked to gettogether for a 'boys night' but it often took an act of God for it to happen, but somehow the stars had aligned and tonight was the first time in months.

"Outstanding. What about you Halstead? You in?" Adam tossed the file in the drawer.

Jay sighed, "Nah, man. I can't." He pushed back from the desk. "I need a refill..anyone else?" He held his coffee mug in the air.

"Fuck!" Adam groaned, "You're bailing?"

"Sorry." Jay shrugged, "Gonna stay in tonight."

"You're pussy whipped, man." Adam rolled his eyes, "Just one drink man, an hour tops."

"I'm good, Ruzek." Jay retorted on his way to the break room.

"What the hell is up his ass?" Adam glanced over at Kevin who just shrugged in response. "Hopefully he'll get laid tonight, and he won't be in such a pissy mood."

Debris still littered the street, twisted metal and broken glass. One of the firefighters swept it into a pile near the curb. He watched as another firefighter went about gathering all of the garbage the paramedics had left behind.

Bloody gloves, gauze pads, whatever they had needed to use on the victims trapped inside the vehicles they tossed on the ground as they worked.

This one would stick with them for a while.

"Have we got an ID yet?" The resident asked, "We need to get next of kin here ASAP" he pulled his latex gloves off and tossed them in a biohazard bin, "I want a full blood panel run on the driver of both vehicles."

He was a veteran of the gulf war, you'd think he'd be used to carnage by this point, but not even war could prepare one for such a horrific accident.

He needed air, and a cigarette.

"Bye Poppy" Mikey hugged Bob, "today was fun."

Bob kneeled in front of his grandson, "I'm glad you had fun." He kissed the top of his head before turning to Milo, "You had fun too, right?"

"Yep. I did. Mini golf is fun, can we go next time without Mikey?" Milo asked, "he takes forever."

"Sure." Bob replied, he handed Avery back to Kim, "I'm sorry I missed Emerson."

Kim checked the grandfather clock in the corner of the living room, "Me too. I thought she would've been home by now.."

Bob stuffed his hands in his pockets, "Tell Adam to call me."

The nurse checked the patient's vitals and was pleased at the numbers, she had been unconscious since she had been brought in, but aside from a nasty concussion and some facial lacerations the woman was lucky.

Her eyes began to move from beneath their lids, the nurse gripped her hand, "Hey..you're okay...squeeze my hand" the woman gripped her hand.

Slowly she opened her eyes, panic filled them.

"I'm Jane. You're at Mercy hospital. You're okay." She paged the doctor, "What's your name?"

She grimaced a bit as she shifted in the bed, the tape holding her IV in place irritating her skin, "Erin...my name is Erin" her voice sound foreign to her, and her head screamed at the sound of it.

"Erin." Jane smiled, "Such a pretty name. We couldn't find your identification..can we call someone for you?" She asked, adjusting the blankets around her, "Your family?"

Erin gasped, "The girls." She felt her hear race, "the girls..where are the girls?"

Jane glanced at the monitor, Erin's pulse quickened and her face was flushed, "Calm down, honey. The girls?"

"Yes! Two of them." She sat upright in the bed ignoring the pain she felt as she did so, "Oh my god!" She cried, her body convulsing as she sobbed, "Where are the girls?"

"Okay, call me if you hear from her." Kim hung up with Kara and went to find Adam, no one could get a hold of Erin and she had promised she would have had Emme home hours ago. She was beside herself with worry, she had hoped Kara had spoken to Erin and was crushed to find out she hadn't.

Adam was on the back deck with Milo, "Milo, honey. Go inside please. I need to talk to daddy." Kim ushered her son inside, "Adam..."

He grabbed a hold of her hands, "Babe. Breathe.." he helped her to sit down, "Did you get a hold of Erin?" He was certain it wasn't a big deal, that Erin had lost track of time and she'd be dropping Emme off any minute.

"No! Adam, Kara hasn't talked to her either. Erin said she'd drop the girls off at two...it's nearly.." she grabbed Adam's cell phone "its after five, Adam. Something is wrong"

Adam ran his fingers across his forehead, "Hey..just take it easy. I will call Jay." He waited as it rang, a bit disheartened as it went to voicemail, "Halstead, its Ruzek. Call me, okay? Emerson isn't home yet, and it's getting late. Gimme a call, man" he couldn't keep the worry from building in his gut.

Kim jumped up, "Adam, something is wrong. I can feel it" she slapped her hand against her chest a few times, "Will you call your dad so he can come sit with the kids, please? We need to find Emme."

Adam pulled her into his arms, "Emerson is okay baby. I'm sure it's nothing. You know Erin. I bet they went to a movie or something."

"No. Something it wrong, Erin would've called and told us that." Kim pulled out of his embrace, "Call your dad. We need to go find them."

"Kevin, I'm worried." Kara grabbed his hand, "Kim is freaking out. She texting me that her and Adam are going to out looking for them. Adam can't get Jay on the phone. Let's go to their apartment. Maybe Jay is sleeping or something."

Kevin pinched the bridge of his nose, he hadn't been worried. He knew how Erin was when she was with the girls. They had her wrapped around their fingers and she did whatever they asked of her. She spoiled the shit out of them, she had only recently returned from her undercover assignment and it was the first time she had seen the girls.

"Kara, I'm sure they're fine. You know KiKi and Emme can get whatever they want out of Erin. Let's just sit tight for a bit. See what Adam and Kim find out. Let's not worry until we have reason to, okay?.

Kara blew out a few deliberate breaths, "Okay..okay."

Sheryl checked the bandage once more, the laceration was deep and long it had taken eight staples to close it up. That was the least of the little girl's injuries, she had multiple fractures her right side bore the brunt of the impact. Her right arm was fractured in multiple spots, the humerus had a complete and clean break while the radius and ulna suffered a nasty break and it would require surgery. They feared she could lose the limb, though they had the best orthopedic surgeon en route. Her leg was also fractured at the ankle, thankfully it wasn't displaced and had already been splinted.

She had been on a steady morphine drip and unable to speak coherently, it was frustrating as they tried to identify her. They were running out of time, they had hoped to identify her before sending her to the OR, time was ticking.

The neurosurgeon finished up, "Come on princess. I've done my part..it's on you now." He signaled for the team to close her up, "Good work people, thank you. It's upmto her now."

Jay felt his blood run cold, "Okay...I'm on my way."

Sheryl leaned closer, "What?" She had taken a shot and asked for her name once more, she had seemed a bit more coherent and the little girl answered her. Her voice was soft and it was difficult to hear her, "Say it again. What's your name?"

"Emme" she whispered, "I'm Emme."

"Emme what?"

"Ruzek." She began to cry, "I want my mommy."

"Hello?" Kim didn't recognize the number that flashed across the screen, she grabbed a hold of Adam's arm as she answered, he pulled off the road and parked in front of a convenience store, "Yes! Oh my god..is she...is she okay?" The blood drained from her face.

Adam grabbed her hand, "What? What happened? Who is it?" Adam yelled, ignoring Kim's hand gestures asking him to be quiet.

"What about Kiana?" Kim asked, "Okay.."

Adam waited until she hung up, "What the fuck?"

Kim was already dialing Kevin, "Go to Chicago Children's. There's been an accident." She told him, "Emme and Kiana are there. They didn't know who they were..all I know is both are hurt. Emerson was talking though, she told them her name. Hurry Adam!"

"What happened? Where's Erin?" Adam asked as he turned the car around.

"I don't know. They didn't say much" Kim explained.

Jay was winded when he finally found her, she looked awful. "Hey.." he bent down and kissed her cheek, "are you alright?"

Erin gripped the blanket, "No! I'm not, where are the girls?"

Jay cupped her cheek, "At Chicago Children's. I'm worried about you though, are you okay?" He had never been so scared in his life, "Are you in pain?"

She tossed the blankets off and nearly ripped her IV out, "I'm fucking fine. I need to get to the girls, I need to get out of here. Where's the doctor?"

"Erin..please" Jay tried to get her back in the bed.

"Let go of me! I'm leaving. You can come with me or you can get the fuck out of my way!" Erin spat.

Jay knew he wouldn't be able to stop her. "I will go with you. Just please slow down, you're injured."

Erin headed for the nurses station, "I'm leaving" she announced, "I need the doctor."

"Poppy..did something bad happen?" Milo asked.

Bob spun around, he had no idea his grandson was in the room, "Sit down." He led Milo to the couch, "That was your dad, Emerson has been in an accident. Your mom and dad are on the way to the hospital to see her."

Milo's lip quivered, "Is she gonna die?"

"I hope not." He opened his arms for his grandson, "We have to believe Emme will be okay, bud."

Milo sniveled, "She can't die." He started to sob as Bob held on to him.

"I'm afraid you can't leave, " the doctor tried to usher her back into her room, "We need to talk."

 ** _I was originally going to make you sweat it out a bit longer...but I'm feeling generous so...here ya go!_**


	7. Chapter 7

Jay had noticed them.

They had tried to stay out of view, but he had spotted them instantly. He had also felt the tension around him, the nervous glances. The nurses who tried to look busy, the ones who couldn't pull their eyes away.

He also noticed the ones who wouldn't look him in the eye.

Erin was so overcome with fear that she had missed it, she was completely oblivious to what was happening around her.

Jay now knew it was more than fear for the girls.

She was high as a fucking kite.

Kim held Adam's hand in both of her's, "Our daughter is here. She was in a car accident, her name is Emerson Ruzek." She heard Adam tell the receptionist.

"Of course." The receptionist pressed a few keys and looked up from the monitor, "She's in trauma room 3. It's through the main door, it's the third door on the right." She smiled warmly at them.

Adam pushed the door open for Kim, allowing her entry in to the room first. He felt his knees buckle at the sight of his six year old in the massive hospital bed. Her tiny frame looked as if it was about to be swallowed whole. Her right leg was propped up on a few pillows and splinted from the knee down, her right arm was covered with bandages. Her face sported a few cuts and scrapes, her torso bruised from her seat belt.

Kim gasped, "Emme...baby.." she stumbled a bit as she approached the bed. A nurse quickly helped to steady her.

"She's stable." The nurse reported, "She's heavily medicated so she's been in and out of it a bit. Her doctor should be in shortly to explain everything. She's stable, despite how scary all of this looks" she patted Kim's hand.

"Her leg broken?" Adam choked out, "her arm as well?"

"Yes." The nurse answered him, "Here's her doctor now."

Kara clutched Kiana's hand, her precious little girl. Kevin sat on the other side of the bed. They hadn't said much since the surgeon had left the room, their little girl was in the battle of her short life.

She was just eight years old and had a larger than life personality. Her smile and giggle were infectious, she was their entire world.

The sound of the ventilator was oddly comforting, it was breathing life into their daughter, so her body could rest.

She had suffered a brain injury and required surgery to relieve the swelling around her brain, a portion of her skull had been removed.

A decompressive craniectomy.

It was as barbaric as it sounded, but it was their little girl's best chance at survival and some semblance of a normal life.

Kevin placed a feather light kiss on his daughter's cheek, "Kara, honey. Will you be okay?" He crouched down in front of her, "I need some air.."

Kara touched his cheek, "Yes." She wiped the tears under his eyes away, "Check in with Adam, see how Emme is."

"Can we have a minute?" Adam asked the doctor, they barely had time to wrap their heads around it all and know they were being told it was time for Emme to go to the operating room.

"Sure." The Doctor nodded his head, "Just a few minutes." He excused himself and went to prep his team.

Adam pushed Emme's hair from her face, "Princess, daddy is here. Mommy too. I need you to be strong baby, I need you to get better." He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand, "I love you kiddo"

Kim had her hand on the small of Adam's back, "I love you too sweetheart. We all love you so much." She kissed her cheek, "We will be here when you wake up. Sweet dreams Emme."

As the orderly wheeled Emme's bed out of the room, Kim collapsed in Adam's arms.

"What the hell is going on?" Voight asked as he entered the hospital, he had been given very little on the phone and the throng of suits gathered in the waiting room did little to calm him.

"Sergeant Voight" A man approached him, "I'm Detective Sanders. I'm lead investigator. What do you know?"

Hank shrugged, "Jack shit. I know one of my detectives was involved in an auto accident in your jurisdiction, I know she had two tender aged females with her, two little girls who happen to be the children of two of my detectives." He was clearly agitated, "I'd like to see my detective."

Sanders put his hand up to stop him, "Not yet. There are some things you need to know before you go upstairs. There was a fatality. The driver of the other car? He died in the trauma room. Those children in the car, with your detective suffered serious injuries. Last I heard one of the girls was critical."

Hank felt his chest constrict, he knew this would be eating away at Erin, "Even more reason for me to get upstairs."

"We are aware of your relationship with Detective Lindsey. We've already been in contact with the commander of the 21st. We've done this by the book. We've followed protocol from the minute we arrived on scene and as soon as we identified Detective Lindsey. We are doing a full work up on both vehicles and we've had the hospital run blood tests."

"What are you implying?" Hank felt his hands curl into fists at his side, "It was an accident, was it not?"

Sanders looked at his feet briefly before returning his focus on Hank, "It wasn't. Not really. Your detective was under the influence. She tested positive for opiates."

"No fucking way!" Hank was furious, "Move out of my way or I will move you." He sneered at the detective, making his way towards the elevator.

"We will not let her skate on this, you can count on that. Go on and see her...but know this, she's in our custody. She will be charged with DUI and at the very least vehicular manslaughter."

"Fuck you!" Hank yelled over his shoulder.

He knew how things like this worked, didn't he realize he was talking to the master. Hank knew how to get someone to come around to his way of things, threaten them with serious charges in hopes of coaxing an admission of guilt.

He wasn't going to roll over for Sanders and he certainly wasn't going to let Erin do so either.

He needed to get to the bottom of this and soon.

Bob gently shook Milo's shoulder, he had promised him he'd wake him up once he knew something, he wasn't going to break that promise. "Milo, buddy. Wake up" he placed his hand on the back of his grandson's head.

Milo rubbed his eyes, "Poppy?"

Bob gave the kid a minute to get his bearings and wake up a bit more. He knew Milo was really worried about his little sister and he knew his fears. He had suffered those same fears and he was overwhelmed by them he couldn't imagine being a kid and feeling that way. As an old man he couldn't understand it, there's was no way in hell a kid would understand it.

"I just talked to your dad. Emme is hurt. She broke her leg and her arm. They need to operate on her buddy, they have to fix her arm." Bob wished he could be there with Adam and Kim but he needed to be with the kids. Didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell.

"Is it gonna hurt her?" He leaned into his grandfather's side, "will she have to stay at the hospital?"

"The operation won't hurt. They'll give her medicine to make her sleep and she won't feel a thing. Your dad said she'd have to stay for at least a few days. Your parents are going to stay with her tonight."

Milo played with a loose thread on the hem of his Cubs t-shirt, "Can I go see her?"

"Of course, in the morning. We will go up and see Emme first thing, okay?"

"Okay, Poppy."

Hank scowled at the uniformed officers outside of Erin's hospital room, "Are you serious right now?" He couldn't believe the way they were treating Erin. He knew she would be beside herself with worry over Emme and KiKi and the last thing she needed was a pair of beat cops on her door.

"Just doing our job sir." One of them replied.

Jay sat with his head in his hands, he felt sick to his stomach. He jumped up as soon as the door clicked closed, "Hank..hey.."

Erin sat stoned faced in the bed, her arms folded across her chest.

"Tell me..please tell me what I'm hearing is absolute horseshit. Please." Hank folded his arms as he stood over Erin, "Erin..."

She finally acknowledged him, "I can't." Her lip quivered just a bit, "I wish I could..but I can't."

Hank looked between Erin and Jay, "You knew about this? Judging by that look on your face..I'd say so. What the fuck?"

Jay stood up, "That case..."

Erin glared at him, "I had taken..."

Hank held his hand up, "SHUT UP! Don't say another word." He ran his hand roughly over his head, "Have you spoken to Ruzek or Atwater?" He looked at Jay.

"Nah. Not yet. You?" Jay replied. He felt like shit for not having checked in with either one of them, but he was terrified. He was afraid to hear how the girls were doing and he was afraid of them. Once they knew Erin had been under the influence of opiates they'd lose their shit.

It was a disaster.

Hank grabbed Erin's hand, "I will take care of it. All of it. Let me handle it. Okay?"

"Okay." Erin felt the first tear slide down her cheek, "Find out if they're okay...please?"

Hank held her face in his hands, "I will." He looked her in the eye, "I love you." He kissed her forehead, "Halstead...a word."

Adam placed his hand on Kevin's shoulder, "How is she?"

Emme's surgery was supposed to last an hour or two and he and Kim had decided to take the time to check up on KiKi. They had been scared out of their mind over their own daughter that it had taken them a bit to remember that Kiana had been in the car.

They were heartbroken to hear how seriously she had been injured, Emerson had been lucky, and it had put her injuries in perspective.

Kevin buried his face in his hands and exhaled a long slow breath, his shoulders sagging, "Its bad, man. She's got a traumatic brain injury. They had to cut..." he gasped a bit, "they had to cut my baby's skull...they took a piece of her skull out..it's to help with the swelling and pressure on her brain"

Adam wrapped his arms around Kevin as best he could, "Ah, Kevin.." he felt his buddy dissolve into tears.

Hank pushed a finger in Jay's chest, "If you love Erin as much as you say you do..you'll keep your fucking mouth shut. Got it?"

"Boss.." Jay stammered.

"Keep it shut Halstead. Give me some time."

Jay had no fucking clue as to how he was supposed to respond or how to handle this. He had clearly fucked it up from the start, she had promised that she was okay. That she had only taken the pills to pull off her character.

She had to make it believable.

She had cried her eyes out when she told him about the morning after she returned, she promised to see a counselor.

Erin had sworn up and down that she had a handle on it, and he believed her.

Now Emerson and Kiana were paying the price.

 ** _Oh Erin..._**


	8. Chapter 8

Somehow Kim had dozed off, her head on Adam's shoulder. He couldn't get the image of Kiana out of his mind's eye. Her head was wrapped in gauze, she had drains coming from her head, and her face was horrifically swollen. He was glad Kim hadn't gone in the room earlier, she had been on the phone with her sister and for that he was grateful.

She'd see Kiana soon enough but the longer she went without that image in her head the better.

Kiana was such a bright light, her laugh was infectious and rumbled up from her belly it was loud and boisterous, there was no denying it; she was Kevin's kid.

He carefully twisted in his seat, careful to not wake Kim. He grabbed his phone and checked through his text messages, his message to Jay remained unanswered.

That didn't sit well with him, he was about to call him when Emme's Doctor approached, "Kim, baby. Wake up." He gripped her hand.

Slowly her eyes popped open, "Emerson!" The fear evident in her voice.

"The Doctor is here." Adam helped her stand up, "Doc?"

A smile filled his face, "Surgery went smoothly. Emerson did great. We were able to set her arm, we used the materials we discussed earlier. I was able to align the bones and it looks good. We will monitor it closely over the next few days but I'm optimistic for a full recovery. Now, nothing is every certain and we need to be prepared for the potential for complications. Try and relax. I know it's easier said than done, but go upstairs and try and get some sleep. I will be back in the morning, should anything arise call the nurses and they'll get a hold of me."

Adam shook his hand, "Thank you"

Kim hugged him, "Yes. Thank you so much, Doctor."

"Emme?" Kara asked, "She's okay?"

Kevin nodded, "Adam said he'd let us know when she's out of surgery, it was pretty straight forward."

Kara bobbed her head up and down, she moved to adjust the blankets around her daughter, "I hope so, what about Erin?"

That he wasn't sure of, it was strange how they hadn't heard from Jay at the very least, a text message? Though to be fair Kevin had his phone switched off most of the evening, but it seemed a bit odd that nobody aside from Platt had checked in.

Platt seemed to be just as clueless as he was when he asked her about Erin.

"Don't know." Kevin shrugged, "I'm guessing no news is good news." He had no clue what it all meant, but he had much larger concerns. He needed his little girl to make it through the next seventy two hours.

That seemed to be the 'magic' number, if she could get through that then things would begin to look up.

Kim inspected Emme from head to toe, she was still sleeping and would likely sleep until morning but Kim needed to see with her own eyes that she was okay. Once she was satisfied with what she saw she covered her daughter back up, careful to not jostle her newly repaired arm.

She stood on her toes and kissed her cheek, "Mommy's here princess. Just sleep." She tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear, "Daddy's here too." She looked over at Adam, "She's okay..she's going to be okay."

No sooner had the words left her lips she dissolved into tears, Adam jumped up and wrapped her in his arms, holding her tightly her slight frame shaking like a leaf in the midst of a wind storm "Emme's okay. Shh..don't cry." He rubbed her back, "Just breathe baby.."

Her legs crumpled beneath her, Adam caught her and led her to the chair. "We could've lost her." Kim cried.

Adam handed her the box of tissues and crouched down in front of her, "We didn't. She's here with us, sleeping soundly in that bed. She's going to be fine." He sat on the balls of his feet, "We didn't. We didn't lose her."

"We could have Adam. I couldn't go through that again.." she buried her face in Adam's neck as she fell forward into his arms, knocking him off balance a bit.

"I know, but we didn't. We can't play the what if game, Kim. We can't." Adam pulled her into his lap, he scooted back to lean against the wall. "Emme is gonna wake up tomorrow and she's gonna be fine. You'll see."

Kim pulled his arms even tighter around her waist, resting her hands on his. "Do you remember when we found out we were pregnant? I was overwhelmed." The tears seemed to disappear as quickly as they had come on.

"Really?" Adam kissed just behind her ear, "You never showed it."

Kim ran her finger over his wedding band, "I felt so many different emotions. I was so happy. I was terrified. I was sad. I felt awful."

Adam didn't expect that, "Awful?"

"Guilty. I guess that's more like it." She turned in his arms to face him, "It was irrational, I know. It felt a little like we were replacing Lucy, I know in my head that we weren't but my heart took it a bit harder."

"Lucy is always here baby, she is irreplaceable and she'd be happy for us." Adam held her face in his hands, "We get to be happy."

Kim nodded her head, "I know." She kissed his forehead, "It's just been a long day.."

"It has. Let's try and get some sleep, alright?"

The walls felt like they were closing in on him, he had seen the warning signs. He saw the empty bottles scattered throughout their apartment. He saw the pills in her purse, he took her at her word. He asked her if she was okay that first night home and she told him everything. She had taken a few pills to maintain her cover, but that was it.

Obviously that wasn't the case.

He knew though.

He chose to ignore it, to bury his head in the sand.

She wouldn't even look him in the eye, he was furious and she had to know it.

"Just say it" Erin snapped, twisting the hospital bracelet on her wrist. She had tried to sign herself out AMA only for Hank to shut her down. She was being kept overnight for observation but it was just a ploy to keep her out of lock up.

"I don't even know where to start, Erin." Jay exhaled, "what the fuck.."

Erin angrily wiped her eyes, "You can leave. I know you don't want to be here." She had grown up waiting for the bottom to fall out, and then she landed in Hank and Camille's house and things improved. Only for Camille to be diagnosed with cancer, but she hung on she fought and Erin hoped she'd beat it.

She didn't. It was horrific to watch as Camille wasted away, and it took all Erin had to not trip up. She had done so well, between Hank and Justin they banded together and they found their feet again.

Then it was Justin who went off the rails, Erin was his calming influence once he was released from prison. He flourished, and it was then Erin's turn to fall apart. She lost Nadia and turned to Bunny.

A fucking disaster that had been, but she had righted the ship. She was in a good spot, and had been for so long.

Until that damn case.

Two fucking pills, that was all it had taken.

That was it, just a little taste and she was hooked. Those old habits returned with a vengeance.

Two turned to four...

It was done. She had gone completely off the rails.

"You promised me!" Jay tried to steady his breathing but it was near on impossible to remain calm, "you looked me in the eyes Erin..you told me you were clean. You said it was a one time thing.." he got up from the chair and paced, "Fuck!" He gripped the back of his head, "I was kidding myself though..I saw the signs. I just refused to believe it. The empty bottles all over the place...the pills...I saw it all."

Erin watched him as he paced, he reminded her of the lion at the zoo. It paced the length of its enclosure, wearing a path in the dirt. The lion always looked agitated, just like Jay.

"Those girls Erin, they love you. They trusted you. How could you?" He finally turned to look at her, "KiKi...she's got a brain injury!" He jammed his index finger against his temple, "Emme..broken leg, her arm was crushed.." he closed his eyes briefly trying to calm the storm in his gut, "you walk away with a couple of cuts and a concussion..."

"I know what I did." Erin screamed, "I'm a fucking disaster, just like my mother...am I right?" She tossed the pillow at him, "Get out!"

Jay went to the door, he stopped and turned to face her, "I don't even recognize you anymore..."

"Now?" Milo bounced on his toes, "Can we go now?"

Bob finished cleaning up the dishes from breakfast, "We are just waiting on the sitter buddy, Mikey and Avery aren't allowed to visit." He was just as anxious as Milo was to see Emme. Adam had sounded like shit when he last spoke to him and he had hoped that he and Kim had been able to sleep some. He had struggled to sleep, Avery and Michael both took forever to settle down. Mikey ended up in bed with him, and Milo had joined them at some point.

Milo liked to talk a big game, claimed he was too old for cuddles and was never big on showing affection to anyone. He was straddling the thin line between little boy and pre-teen but he had needed his grandfather last night.

Truth be told, Bob needed his grandchildren as well.

Milo threw his hands up in the air when the doorbell rang, "That's the babysitter!" He jumped up from the couch and yanked the door open, "Hi." He pulled her inside, "Come on Poppy, let's go!"

Al dropped the coffee on the desk, "I figured you'd need this. I'd ask how you're doing but I'm judging by the mess...not very good" Al was shocked by the state of his friend's office, he had trashed it.

Papers littered the floor, the desk chair was upside down and everything that had sat on the desk was now on the floor.

Hank lifted the cup to his lips, "Its bad."

Al leaned against the file cabinet, "What's the latest?" He had purposely kept his distance, he had never felt quite so torn. His loyalties always sided with Voight but he loved Adam like a son. He and Voight had a serious history and when it came down to it he needed to give Hank some time. He was furious with Erin, but he had to let Hank do this.

He had to have faith in Hank, he had to trust that he'd do the right thing for all involved.

"What are you gonna do?" Al asked.

Hank tossed the cup into the garbage can, "Whatever it takes."

It was vague a little too vague for his liking "Hank..."

"Thanks for stopping in Al." Hank shut him down.

Al held his hands up, "Okay. I hope you know what you're doing."

Milo scoured through the shelves of the gift shop, they had spent the last twenty minutes looking for the perfect stuffed animal.

Bob was growing impatient, the kid who couldn't get out of the house quick enough was now taking forever, "Just pick one, kid. You know your sister she will love all of these" he waved his hands around.

Emerson loved stuffed animals, while stuffed elephants were her favorite she loved them all. Adam had built a cage of sorts for all of her 'stuffies' it resembled a jail cell, it was very apropos. Bob had always brought the kids home souvenirs any time he went out of town, Emerson always requested a stuffed animal and he always came through. She had to have hundreds of them, they varied in size and species but Emme loved them all.

Milo pushed a few animals to the back of the shelf and finally pulled one out. "This one Pops!" He smiled, he had just started calling him 'Pops'. He was so much like Adam it was like going back in time some days, it was bittersweet. Bob had missed out on so much of Adam's childhood, he was certainly making up for it with his grandchildren.

Bob took the stuffed alligator from him, "An alligator?" Of all the animals to pick from he picked an alligator. Milo glared at him as if he had three heads, "Alright..I'm sure she'll love it."

Milo nodded, grabbing a candy bar from the shelf in front of the register "Yeah. She doesn't have an alligator yet." he shrugged, "Can I get some candy too?"

"Absolutely" Bob selected a few balloons and some flowers, as soon as the cashier handed him his change they headed towards the elevator.

Resiliency.

The word had been tossed around quite a bit over the last thirty six hours or so but it had been meaningless. An thought so abstract it was hard to wrap her head around it.

It's hard to believe the doctor's when you're in the thick of it but as Kim watched Emme she believed it.

Emme was unbelievable resilient. She had woken up pretty early, just after sunset and aside from being a bit groggy and discombobulated she was in good spirits.

Kim had barely slept an hour, if it wasn't a nurse who woke her up it was her own imagination and it often got the best of her. A million and one different scenarios played through her head and made it impossible to sleep peacefully.

Emme had already eaten breakfast and was happily watching cartoons, Kim was blown away by her daughter's strength. Her injuries were painful and she was amazed at how little they seemed to affect her.

"You're so brave, baby." Kim had managed to slip into bed with Emme and was snuggling as best she could with her, Adam was sleeping in the recliner in the corner of the room.

"I am?" Emme looked up at her, "Even when I cried?"

When the nurse had come in to check the IV, Emme started to cry afraid she was going to be given a shot, the kid had a serious fear of needles.

"Even when you cried. Being brave doesn't mean you can't cry or be scared. Being brave means even though you're scared you do it anyway. You are the bravest girl I know." She dipped her head and kissed the crown of Emme's head, "I wonder when daddy will wake up"

Kim hoped it would be soon as it was just a matter of time before Emme started asking questions about the accident. They hadn't heard much about Erin other than she was at Chicago Med and stable. Kim had received a very vague update from one of the nurses during the night on Kiana, she was critical but stable.

"Soon!" Emme replied, "I hope it's soon."

"Here baby" Kevin handed his wife the tea and breakfast sandwich, they had made it through the night. They still had a long way to go, but Kevin grabbed a hold of the small victory.

He had to. It was what kept him going, he'd take whatever he could get at this point. Each hour that passed was another hour closer to being out of the woods.

Though, once they were out of the woods the new battle would begin. Kiana had suffered a significant head injury and they wouldn't know how it affected her until she woke up.

Kevin couldn't let himself go there yet, he just needed his little girl to make it.

"I'm not hungry." Kara pushed his hand away.

"You've got to eat. Just a few bites, please? For me." Kevin sat down heavily in the chair, he was drained physically and emotionally.

She finally relented and took a bite of the sandwich, "Where's yours?"

He pulled another sandwich from the bag, "Right here."

They ate in silence, afraid to speak more than a few words at a time. They were struggling to keep their heads above water.

"Mom!" Milo burst through the door, ignoring Bob's pleas for him to quiet down, he was unstoppable though, he needed his mom. He also needed his sister, not that he would actually admit it.

Bob shrugged, "Sorry.." he hugged Adam, "How's it going?"

Milo was already in Kim's arms, "Okay. I just woke up" Adam ran his hand through his hair. "Kim said the doctor checked on her earlier and she's doing well." He kissed Milo quickly, "Be easy son." He cringed a bit as Milo climbed in bed with Emme, the pair playing on the iPad.

"Her arm? She's not gonna lose it, right?" Bob asked, he couldn't bear the thought of that.

Adam clamped his hand on his father's shoulder, "Its a little early in the game...but the doctors are very optimistic. So are we."

"That's good news." Bob smiled. "Great news actually."

Bob had finally convinced Adam and Kim to go home, he spent most nights at the hospital with Emme allowing Adam and Kim to spend nights at home with the other kids and sleep in their own bed. On weekends he'd spend Saturday's with Emme and Kim and Adam would spend the afternoons at home and then Bob would go home for the night and spend all of Sunday at Kim and Adam's house.

Occasional Milo would want to spend Saturday with his sister and that was how it had played out, it was just him and his oldest grandchildren. The empty pizza box sat on the table, along with the empty soda bottle, his daughter in law would probably lose her shit over the amounts of soda they had consumed but so much had happened over the last three days.

Soda never hurt anyone.

Emme had started to feel the pain a bit, which had her doctors elated.

Her nerves were firing on all cylinders, the blood flow throughout her arm was spectacular and all signs pointed to a complete recovery.

She wouldn't lose her arm.

She was so uncomfortable and unable to sleep. They placed her back on intravenous pain medicine, and it was working but it had her in and out of it. The pain coupled with a hefty case of cabin fever made for a grumpy Emerson. Slowly she was being weaned off the medicine but it was still a bit rough at times.

He'd take it though, he'd take that any day.

Things had not gone so well for the Atwaters, sweet Kiana had suffered a stroke just a day after her surgery and things didn't look good for her. The doctors were just hoping she survived at this point.

They all were.

It also led to Adam and Kim supporting Kevin and Kara, standing vigil at Kiana's bedside.

It seemed most of the 21st had stopped by Kiana's room and Emme's at some point in the days since the accident.

Everyone but Halstead, Lindsay, and Voight.

Bob had been unsettled by it but he didn't dare bring it up, not yet. He may no longer walk the beat but he had still had friends scattered throughout the force. There was nothing quite like the Chicago Police department rumor mill.

It was kicking up some serious rumors.

He had a few guys come to him with what they had heard and Bob didn't like it.

Jay stared at his reflection in the mirror, he didn't like what he saw. He had dark circles beneath his eyes, and a few days worth of scruff. He hadn't eaten in days and it was evident in his appearance.

He was no better than she was, he knew she was in trouble and he did nothing.

He let her put those two girls in her car.

He may as well have been in the driver's seat, he was just as culpable as she was. Perhaps even more so, he was clean and sober.

He had been able to avoid Ruzek and Atwater both, he hadn't left his apartment in days. He sent flowers to both girls and a text to Kevin and Adam both wishing the girls a speedy recovery.

What a piece of shit he was, he didn't even have the balls to man up and face his best friends.

That had to change.

Erin picked at a cut on her arm, she had been released from the hospital and into Voight's custody, he'd obviously called in a few chits.

She could feel his eyes on her, "What?"

"You should've come to me, Erin. As soon as the Feds released you, you should've showed up here." He tapped his finger on the table, "This isn't going to just go away, I've bought you some time...but that's running out."

Erin sighed heavily, "You ever get tired of this? Of cleaning up after me?" She pushed back from the table, "They'll hate me..."

He had butted heads with Voight for years, but since Adam found himself in Voight's unit they had reached a mutual understanding both men wanted the best for Adam. He was their common ground, but Bob knew that had all changed.

Bob knew how Voight operated, he would make a few calls, pull a few strings. Evidence would suddenly disappear, he'd grease a few palms and the case would grow cold.

That wasn't going to happen, not if Bob could help it.

 ** _This one gave me some trouble, so I'm done going over it with a fine tooth comb and posting it as is._**

 ** _Addiction is ugly and it knows no bounds, it's always bugged me that they glossed over Erin's obvious addictions._**

 ** _I hate the '~' that I have tossed in, but I can't seem to get the format right. Thanks for reading!_**


	9. Chapter 9

Kim hadn't felt this tired in years, she was burning both ends of the candle and had been for nearly a week now. It had been a week filled with some ups and downs, the ups were glorious.

Emerson was inching closer to going home, she had started in-patient physical therapy and was doing well with it. Aside from a few minor complaints at the start of each session she throughly enjoyed it. Her favorite therapist was Jake, he couldn't have been older than thirty and he was pretty easy on the eyes. Emerson thought he hung the moon, and her face lit up whenever he came in the room it was absolutely adorable.

She was successfully weaned off the heavy duty pain killers and seemed to get by on Tylenol alone and usually only needed it towards the end of the day. She had ventured down to the play room a few times, but she never lasted more than an hour or so boredom hit quickly.

She did last a bit longer when Avery and Michael had joined her, once she had been downgraded from the ICU the visitor restrictions had eased up a bit. The younger kids could only visit for a few hours in the afternoon, a short visit was better than nothing.

Kim wished Kiana had made the strides that Emme had, the little girl was fighting with all she had but it was an uphill battle. They found solace in the fact that she was breathing on her own but it that had been it.

Kim watched as Emme napped, the kid's sleep schedule was seriously jacked up. It was going to take a while for Emerson to get back to normal, she had become nocturnal staying up all hours of the night and sleeping giant chucks of the day away.

Adam had taken the kids to the park for a bit and it had seriously pissed Emerson off when she learned where they were headed, Milo had let it slip and Emme's tears were immediate and they broke her heart.

Emme cried herself to sleep, and when Adam called to check up on her, Kim learned that Milo had burst into tears as soon as he got in Adam's truck.

They were all ready for things to go back to normal.

Hank pulled the door open, "Ruzek.."

Bob had his hands stuffed in his pockets, he was full of nervous energy and his hands were restless. He tolerated the man before him, but right now he wanted to deck him.

"Voight." Bob replied, his tone frosty.

Hank knew he needed to play this carefully, "What can I do for you?" He stepped out of the house and on to the porch, pulling the door closed behind him. This was a conversation Erin didn't need to hear.

"I think you know." Bob leaned against the pillar, "After all my boy has done for you...this..." he stammered a bit, fighting with the lump in his throat, "this is how you treat him?"

Hank narrowed his eyes at him, "Come again? I'm not sure I follow."

"Bullshit!" Bob sneered, "People talk. I know." He got in his face, so close that their noses touched briefly. "You're protecting that bitch. She could've killed my granddaughter and her little friend. I know it Voight, I know Lindsey was high off her ass when she nearly killed those little girls."

Hank poked Bob in the chest, pushing him backwards a bit, "Don't come to my house and start popping off at the mouth..." he sneered at him, "You'll walk away from here in one piece because of your son. If it wasn't for him I'd rip you apart."

"Fuck you. I'm not scared. I'm not keeping my mouth shut either. I'm not afraid of you and I won't be silenced with blood money. You tell her she better be ready..it's time to pay the piper."

"You threatening her?" Hank closed the gap between them.

"No" Bob curled his lip, "Just stating a fact. My next stop is the Ivory Tower." He headed back to his car, it was a struggle to remain some what level headed. He really wanted to beat the shit out of Voight and drag Lindsay to the 21st.

"Ruzek...don't do this." Hank warned him, "Give me..."

Bob raced back up the steps, "You've had a fucking week! I waited. Guys came to me just a few days after the accident..I sat on it. I was waiting for you..and you did nothing. Times up."

"Erin loves those girls, Bob. You know it as well as a I do" Hank knew it was over, he never should've let it go this long. He should've have brought her down to the district the day after she was released from the hospital, instead he called in favors and greased a few palms. It was clear this wasn't going to go away, and he had made it a thousand times worse for Erin.

"If that's love...well.." he stammered a bit " well...I wouldn't want to see how she treats those she doesn't love." Bob was disgusted.

Hank hung his head, bracing himself on the porch railing, he had done it again. In an attempt to protect someone he loved, he only made it worse. He had done it years ago with Justin and that ended with a stint in prison, he couldn't help but fear that Erin would end up with a similar fate.

Milo and Adam sat on the edge of the sand box, Avery and Michael happily filling their pails before dumping it all out, they'd giggle and do it all over again.

Milo grabbed a handful of sand and watched it as fell through his fingers, "Dad?"

"Yeah?" Adam grabbed Avery's pacifier out of the sand box and stuck it in his pocket, "What is it?"

"Is KiKi going to be okay? How come I can't go see her?" Emme and KiKi drove Milo up the wall most days, but he loved them both. For the longest time he referred to her as his baby sister, he had been so young when Lucy died, KiKi and Lucy had been close in age, and he gravitated towards her. It was almost as if he was using KiKi to fill the hole in his heart that Lucy had left when she passed away.

Adam wrapped an arm around his son and pulled him close, Milo's head tucked safely under his chin, "Oh, buds. KiKi had a serious head injury, she's really sick. She can't have visitors, only Kevin and Kara can see her." They hadn't given the kids many details on Kiana's injuries and he wondered if that had been a mistake, maybe they should have given Milo more information. He was only ten but he was pretty perceptive and a bit wiser than his years.

"I love her. I want her to be okay." Milo wrapped his arms around Adam's waist and buried his face in his chest as he cried.

"Me too, buddy." Adam held on to his boy, thankful that his children were okay.

Kara grabbed the bottle of lotion off the table, it was part of her daily routine. After she carefully pulled back the blanket, she squeezed some into her palm. She rubbed her hands together and started at her daughter's feet.

"So sweetness...Emme is going home soon. She's feeling much better. That makes you happy doesn't it?" She moved up to her ankles and calves, "it makes me happy. Everyone is praying for you baby..." she pulled the blankets back over her legs.

"I made daddy go out for a little bit, you know he gets restless if he doesn't get a good work out in. I made him go. He didn't want to, but he's grumpy." She flicked a tear away, "You could scare his grumpies away, Kiana. You just need to get better..okay? Please for momma. I don't care if you're not the same...like the doctors keep saying. I don't care. Do you hear me, Kiana? I don't care. I just need you..we will figure the rest out. Please baby. Please." She pleaded with her little girl.

Her sweet daughter was the center of her and Kevin's universe, they adored her. She was so much like her father it was uncanny. She had his ginormous heart and booming laugh, she was full of life and had never met a stranger. She was a joker, she was relentless, she wouldn't leave you until she got a laugh out of you. Half the time she mixed the joke up or blew the punchline all together, but she'd smile and it was impossible to not smile right along with her.

What she would give to see that smile.

Erin massaged her temples, everything that could go wrong in her life had. She had tried to talk her way out of taking those pills at the party. It was easy to get out of it the first party, and the second one. That third party was it, they busted her chops over it. She hadn't been able to talk her way out of it, so she grabbed a couple and tossed them in her mouth, forcing them down with a glass of water. It was a 'pharm party' she had no idea what she had taken, it was just a hodgepodge of prescription pills. She was pretty sure it was a lot of of oxy, and other similar classed drugs.

It didn't take much.

She started popping pills, and chasing them with liquor.

She was done.

Off the wagon and chasing the next high.

Somehow she was able to wrap the case up and get the job done.

Her professional life was solid, it was her personal life she had fucked up. Though, she was certain it was just a matter of time before they pulled her badge. Not that she cared, not really.

Not after what she had done, she did the unthinkable, the unforgivable.

She had hurt two innocent little girls, girls that she loved.

Girls that thought she had hung the moon.

How fucking wrong they had been, she was a fucking monster.

She swallowed two pills.

Still chasing that high.

Jay returned the weights to the rack, he had hoped the gym would get him out of his head, it was fruitless. He was trapped inside his head, consumed with thoughts of Emerson and Kiana.

He had been avoiding Ruzek all week and to a lesser extent Atwater, Adam had sent a few texts and a voicemail. He was calling to check on Erin and Jay didn't have the balls to talk to him.

Atwater had sent a group text message, just a few lines updating them all on how Kiana was doing.

He knew Kevin wasn't leaving Kiana's bedside so running into him wasn't a concern, he was scared shitless that he was going to bump into Adam at some point. He wasn't sure how he would handle that, he was a coward.

Jay knew Adam would ask about Erin, and he didn't trust himself. He couldn't look his buddy in eye knowing that he did nothing to protect those girls.

He knew she slipped, she cried her eyes out when he found the baggie of pills. She even tossed them down the garbage disposal, poured out every ounce of alcohol in the house.

Swore up and down that she was good.

It was all lies..or a promise she just couldn't keep, just a few days later he found a bottle of vodka. He had stumbled upon it when looking for his favorite Hawks shirt and he knew she sometimes liked to sleep in. After she did the laundry she'd hide it in her dresser that way she could sleep in it.

The bottle was tucked in the back of the drawer, he ignored it.

He ignored the sudden reappearance of her mother, Erin tolerated the woman most day and she had been meeting up with her a few times a week.

That relationship was so fucking toxic, Bunny was a piss poor excuse for a mother. He knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Bunny was Erin's supplier.

He ignored it all.

Buried his head in the sand and hoped it would go away. It had in the past, or at least that was what he once thought.

He was wrong.

Dead wrong.

An addiction doesn't just go away, it may lay dormant for a while but it's never gone. Nope. It stays with you, it is a constant battle.

Erin had lost the battle, and he did nothing to help her.

He may as well have been behind the wheel that day, he was just as guilty.

Guilty and a coward.

"Daddy!" Emme squealed the second he came through the door, "I get to go home soon! Just two more sleeps".

Adam grinned from ear to ear, "Seriously?" He looked at Kim, her face told him all he needed to know, "That's the best news I've heard all day, sweet pea!" He kissed her cheek.

Kim happily accepted a kiss on her cheek from him, "I missed you. The kids okay with your dad?"

Adam dropped down on the small couch in the corner of the room, "They are." He pulled her into his lap, "How are you?"

Kim watched as Emme zoned out to the television, "I'm good. I'm so ready to get out of this place." She rested her head on his chest and stretched her legs out across the couch, "It will be so nice to have our entire family in one place. I hate that the kids have been bounced around from house to house. I hate that Emme is hurt. I hate that Kiana isn't doing well..." the dam holding back her emotions had failed and she lost it.

Adam sucked in a deep breath and held on tight, as her sobs subsided and her breathing slowed he spoke up, "Did something happen?" He hadn't spoken to Kevin in a few days, "Is it KiKi?"

Kim looked over at Emme who thankfully was oblivious to her little breakdown, she had started using headphones after she complained about Adam being too loud during her move. Bob had showed up with them the next day, and not cheap ones either he had grabbed her bright pink ones, the kind Milo had been desperate for. He was pretty bummed when he saw his little sister had ' _Beats! Like the best headphones ever'_ was what he had said. In true grandparent fashion Bob had dropped a blue pair off for Milo later that night.

"No. Not really, nothing's changed. I'm just so tired, Adam. I'm exhausted. I miss my babies when I'm here...and I miss Emme when I'm home. I feel like shit when I leave the hospital, so badly that when I'm at home all I can think about is if Emme is okay. I feel like a shit mother. It just sucks, all of it fucking sucks. Then I feel awful for complaining when Kiana is so sick..."

The woman could ramble like no one he had ever met before, he found it endearing. He loved how she could go on and on, sometimes only stopping to breathe, he could see how tired she was and he hated it.

"Babe. Come on, don't be so hard on yourself. You are a fucking fantastic mother, our kids are lucky little shits. They've got a badass mother, one who loves the fool out of them and they know it. When we're not here my dad is, and when we're not at home my dad is. Let's be reality, the kids are probably loving having my pops around" Adam was happy to see the smile, albeit a small one but a smile nonetheless on Kim's face, "No one can do it all..not even you. We've got family helping though, my dad, your sister. The kids are okay, all of them. You heard Emme, just two more sleeps and she's home and things can get back to normal."

Kim rested her forehead on his, "I miss you..I miss being with you." She kissed him, she craved him. She moved to straddle him, wrapping her arms around his neck, "I love you.." she whispered as she finally pulled away.

Adam held on to her hips, they were playing a dangerous game. It had been a stressful week and had barely any time alone, he could feel himself losing control the minute Kim sat astride him.

"Darlin', you can't do that to me..with our little girl in the room. That was not fair..and perhaps a little mean" he teased, stealing a quick kiss. "I've missed you too. All of you."

"I can tell." Kim teased as she climbed off his lap, "Two more sleeps..then I'm so fucking the hell out of you" she whispered in his ear.

She laughed as he groaned.

"Nice mouth babe." Adam laughed.

"It is, isn't it?" Kim replied.

They had just finished a FaceTime session with the kids, it was always an adventure. Kim and Adam both squeezed in bed on either side of Emme, Adam held the iPad in between them. It was fun to watch as Avery tried to make sense of it all, Mikey had a million and one ' _tricks_ ' to show them. It had become his latest phrase, it was always ' _Watch my trick..'_ he'd proceed to jump, run, or some other physical endeavor and it usually resulted with him laying on the floor giggling. Milo was always pretty quiet and once the younger kids got a few minutes Bob would get them in bed, giving Milo a few minutes with Adam and Kim.

Now they were snuggled together on the couch as Emerson drifted off to sleep, Kim ran her hand over Adam's chest, "I have been thinking about this all day..and.."

"Scary thought." Adam held his arm above his head.

Kim slapped him playfully, "Shut up." She propped herself up on her elbow to look at him, "I'm a little miffed. At first, just after the accident I didn't think about much. All I was worried about was our daughter, I didn't think about anything else. It was all about Emme, once that settled down I started to think about the accident. About Erin."

Adam sat up, "Yeah?"

It had been strange to him that a week later he hadn't see Erin or Jay. Neither one had seen them since the day of the accident and the day after. Neither had returned his calls, Hank hadn't visited either. Though he had sent flowers, and a gift basket filled with candy, art supplies and little toys and trinkets to help Emme pass the time. That had been it, while Al and Trudy had visited, they never stayed long and it felt odd. Almost uncomfortable but seeing a child seriously injured could rattle even the toughest of people.

"She hasn't seen Emme. She hasn't called." Kim pulled her hair from her ponytail, "Why? Why hasn't she called me? It doesn't make sense." Kim pulled her knees tomjer chest, "Does she think we're mad at her? I'm not, it was an accident."

"I don't know." Adam replied. He too had found it strange, but up until today he hadn't had time to think about it. "Try and sleep baby. You need it."

She nodded, and waited for Adam to lie down and as soon as he did she lay against his chest.

She was asleep in minutes, and Adam was thankful. The wheels had started turning in his head and he knew sleep wasn't going to come easy for him.

"Daddy..." Emme groaned, "Daddy..are you up?"

Adam rubbed his eyes as he carefully maneuvered out from under Kim, while it took her awhile to fall asleep, it took even longer to wake her. He wasn't sure what time it was or how long he had been sleeping, "I'm up...you okay?"

Emme was usually up well before sunrise, "I had a bad dream."

"Ah, baby girl. I'm sorry, you want talk about it?" Adam stroked her cheek, he could feel the dampness her tears had left behind and it was like a knife to his heart.

"It was scary. From the crash. I didn't want to go, daddy. I didn't like her. She was mean." Emme grabbed his hand, "She was loud and she smelled funny."

"The dream?" Adam was confused, carefully he climbed into the bed with her, "You're safe, baby. Daddy's here."

"Not the dream. It was real. It was before the crash." Emme played with the string on Adam's hoodie, "with Erin. I didn't want to go, I wanted to come home. She promised she would take me home. She didn't daddy...she didn't take me home! Why didn't she take me home? I wanted mommy!"

Adam felt his blood boil.

What the fuck had happened?

 ** _Thanks for reading and the kind reviews, I was a little apprehensive with this one and how I was writing Erin..but so far it seems as if I'm not the only one annoyed with how they handled her addiction._**


	10. Chapter 10

There wasn't much that would have him this angry, angry enough to physically hurt someone with his bare hands. The list started and finished with his family.

His wife and children.

Nothing more it out of him like holding his crying daughter as she lay in a hospital bed with a battered and bruised body.

Fuck yes, he was mad.

Now it was clear as day as to why he had seen neither hide nor hair of Erin, Jay, or Voight.

They were circling the wagons, doing what they always did. They were protecting Erin.

Now he would do the same.

He would protect his daughter, no matter what it cost him.

Hank waited for Erin to come downstairs. He knew time was up, Bob Ruzek wasn't going to let this go. He was a bit surprised that Adam hadn't shown up yet, but he really couldn't blame Bob. Had the roles been reversed and it was his grandson Daniel that had been injured he would have been unstoppable. The person responsible would be a dead man walking.

He had given her one last night, he told her she would be turning herself in first thing this morning.

The hot water soothed her aching muscles, she stood under it and tried to keep the tears from falling. She couldn't, they flowed from her eyes unlike any other time in her life.

She had lived a hard life, and she spent many nights crying herself to sleep when she was a kid. Somehow by some miracle she had found herself in Hank's orbit, he and Camille had saved her. They loved her even when she didn't deserve their love, when she said horrible and hateful things to them. They loved her through it all, they were her safe spot.

When she finally allowed herself to admit her feelings for Jay, he too loved her unconditionally.

She couldn't escape her demons though, no matter how hard she tried to bury them in the deepest recesses of her soul. They still rose to the surface, her mother was her kryptonite.

Her mother was a piss poor excuse for a mother, she had failed Erin time and time again when she was growing up. Erin had kept her at arms length for most of her adult life, only seeking her out after Nadia's death and again after she was done with her UC job. She was like a shark, the first hint of blood and she moved in for the kill.

Bunny found a weakness and she pounced on it with a vengeance and Erin lapped it up.

Erin was finally getting what she had craved as a child.

Her mother's attention.

Who didn't want to feel their mother's love?

Except it wasn't love Bunny was giving her, her mother was incapable of love. All her mother brought was heartache and pills. She had used her daughter's addiction to get an in with her, it didn't matter what it would cost Erin.

Erin felt her knees begin to wobble, her entire body swayed. Her gut flipped, and her hands trembled as a tsunami of guilt, hurt, and anger rose from her soul. She collapsed in a heap, the hot water beating down on her.

Kim didn't like the look on Adam's face, he looked tortured. He was quiet, a little to quiet. Emme had just been taken down for physical therapy, it was now time to figure out what had crawled up Adam's ass.

She jumped up to sit in window seat, "Adam, babe. What's going on?"

Adam buried his hands in his face, and tried to steady his breathing. "Kim..." he mumbled into his hands, "Emme had a nightmare."

That wasn't news to Kim, she'd been dealing with them the last few days, "Okay?" A bit perplexed as to why it would have him in such a shit mood, "We've covered this. The doctors said it was bound to happen, its been a traumatic week."

Adam got up from his seat and joined her, "I know that. This was different." He rested his hand on her thigh, "She woke up in tears, baby. I got in the bed with her and she just started talking. Telling me she was scared.."

"Of course she was Adam..." Kim interrupted him.

He squeezed her thigh, "Let me finish. She said she was afraid of someone. A woman. That she was mean and smelled funny. She said she begged Erin to bring her home. We haven't seen Erin, Hank or Jay in days. That's pretty fucking strange..isn't it? Now this. I believe Emerson, something isn't right here. I want to know where Erin took our little girl" he felt his heart racing.

"No..." Kim shook her head, "No! My God..Adam..no." She was starting to connect the dots just as he had done earlier, "I don't think so, no way..."

"I do." Adam cut her off.

Kim furiously shook her head from side to side, refusing to go where Adam had gone. There was no way Erin would put Emerson and Kiana in harms way, she loved those little girls. "No. No Adam, you're wrong."

Erin had stood by them after Lucy's death, she had seen her at her lowest. She had held her while she cried, there was no way.

"Darlin', I want to be wrong. You've got no idea on how badly I want to be wrong." He tilted his head back, leaning against the window his eyes closed, "I've never wanted to be wrong so badly."

Their entire world would be blown to shreds if he was right, everything would change.

He took the stairs two at a time, he banged on the door, "Erin! Erin! Are you okay?" He jiggled the handle only to find it locked.

He took two steps back before hurtling his body at the locked door, the door fell open he grabbed her robe off the counter and yanked open the curtain.

"Erin..honey.." he covered her with the robe, she was distraught, "Erin.."

"I'm.." Erin sobbed as Hank reached over her to turn the water off, "...I'm sorry..I'm so sorry."

"I know, Erin. I know." He sighed, he helped her out of the shower, "I'm sorry too.."

He was so fucking sorry.

Kevin clasped his hands together and resting them against his lips, watching intently as the doctor examined Kiana. She had started to stir a few hours ago, they had seen her eyes moving rapidly behind her lids, then her left hand started to twitch.

He was pretty sure he hadn't taken a breath since Kiana's eyes finally opened. He blindly reached out for Kara's hand as he pulled her closer to him.

The doctor finished his assessment and turned to them, "Breathe.." he smiled a bit, stepping aside to allow Kara and Kevin to get closer to their little girl. "This is good news. We will run the gamut of tests and do a complete work up, we will work hand in hand with neurology. Right now, just love your daughter."

"She's okay?" Kara asked grasping her daughter's hand in hers. The little girl hadn't uttered a word, and she seemed oblivious to her parents presence.

"Kiana has a very long road ahead of her, we will need to send her to radiology for scans. She will be assessed to see what cognitive deficits she sustained. She suffered a traumatic brain injury and they're often complicated. Your daughter had major surgery and she's still has one to go..I don't want to squash your hope but I need you both to be prepared. Your daughter has a lot to overcome and she may not ever be the same."

Kevin felt Kara tighten her grip on his waist, "As long as she with us. That's all that matters."

"I will be back shortly." The Doctor shook their hands, he held on to Kiana's foot, "Once we've given her the once over, we will discuss our next step. We have talked about surgery where we will replace the portion of skull we removed during her initial surgery. Let's see where we stand with that and go from that point. One day at a time, okay?" he rubbed the little girl's foot "She's a beautiful girl. She's tough."

Kara pulled a chair closer to the bed, "Hey sweetness. I'm so happy to see you awake, I love you."

Kiana's face remained expressionless her eyes unable to focus.

Kevin leaned down to kiss her cheek, "Daddy's here baby. You got this. Be powerful for daddy, okay? Be powerful. You can do this."

"Where are you going?" Kim asked, Adam as he grabbed his wallet and keys from the table in the corner of Emme's hospital room.

"To the 21st. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this." He had tried getting a hold of Jay and wasn't surprised at all when it went straight to voicemail, the same happened when he tried to call Voight. "I'm gonna get answers, one way or another."

Kim grabbed his hand, "I'm coming with you."

"No. No, you're not, I'm doing this alone." He wanted her far away when he confronted Hank "you need to be here with Emme."

Normally Kim wouldn't leave Emme but she was sleeping soundly and she was worried about Adam's state of mind, "I will call Nicole she will sit with Emme. I don't want you doing this alone, Adam. You're in dangerous territory..."

"I'm not afraid of Voight!" He snapped, "Fine. Call Nicole." He knew she wasn't going to back down, and if he was being honest she should be with him. He needed her to keep him in check, he had never been quite so worked up.

"I know you're not afraid, Adam. I'm afraid! Okay? I'm afraid of what all of this means..and I'm afraid of what you will do!" She struggled to keep her voice down.

He saw the fear and heartache in her eyes, he went to her. "I'm sorry. I'm angry..darlin', I'm so angry...and my heart...it's broken. Our baby girl..."

Kim held on to his shirt with both hands, "I know.."

"Hey, Milo..keep an eye on your brother and sister for me. I need to make a call." Bon called into the living room.

The trip to the ivory tower had been a disaster, he had no idea just how deep Voight's connections had run. He was brushed off last night, told to go home and allow IA to do their jobs. He was furious, he wanted Lindsay brought in last night but they had refused.

It had taken every ounce of restraint he had to not hit the guy who told him to leave. He wasn't going away though, he would go up the chain of command until someone listened and Lindsay paid for her actions.

That had been a cake walk, the hardest part was not telling Adam when he dropped the kids off. It had been unbearable to look his son in the eyes and not disclose what he had found. It wasn't the time or place, not when his grandchildren were there and the very last thing he wanted was Adam going off half cocked.

So he pushed it from his head, only for it to gnaw at him all night.

It was time to call in a favor of his own.

Calling in favors wasn't his style, but it was time.

Emme and Kiana deserved justice, and if this was how it would come about..so be it.

What was good for the goose was good for the gander, if Voight was going to live by the sword he just may die by the sword.

"Go up to my office" Hank told her, he'd made arrangements to meet the commander and discuss their options.

"Okay." Erin mumbled softly, "Did you call Jay?"

Hank nodded, "He's on his way. Just head upstairs. I need to talk to Platt." He motioned for her to head on up.

Trudy watched as Erin climbed the stairs, "Its about damn time, Hank." She was livid, "What the hell?"

Hank held his hand up, "Save the lecture, no one hates this more than me..."

"I bet Ruzek and Atwater would disagree. They're your team, Hank. This is how you treat them?"

Hank leaned on the desk, "Erin's all I've got left. She's like a daughter..what was I supposed to do?"

Trudy felt little sympathy for him, "The right thing. For all parties, including Erin."

"I am."

"Yeah, now you are. Only because Disco pushed your hand..am I right?" Platt had heard some rumblings, gossip spread like wildfire through the ranks of the CPD.

Hank glared at her, "I don't need you busting my balls too. I fucked up, I know."

The call from Hank was cryptic at best, he gave little away and demanded his presence at the 21st. Jay rested his head on the steering wheel closing his eyes as he drew in a long and deep breath, he exhaled slowly.

As he weaved his way through the back lot he felt his heart fall into his stomach, just to the left of him was Ruzek's SUV.

"Fuck!" He mumbled. He had no idea what Hank wanted but he was certain nothing good was going to come from this and if Ruzek was around, well it was going to be bad.

Adam held the door open for Kim, the lobby was empty. It wasn't all that unusual it was mid morning and the middle of the week, once lunch rolled around traffic would pick up. For now, it was the calm before the storm.

A very turbulent storm, a storm no one was prepared for.

 ** _A/N: I had a review come through that felt what had happened was out of character for Erin, and in a way it was and in a way it was pretty spot on. They've shown us that Erin has issues with alcohol and pills, they kind of pussy footed around it. They led us to believe she had a problem only to back pedal a bit, well I thought that was bullshit._**

 ** _Substance abuse is a real issue for many in law enforcement, it was in the house I grew up in My father is a recovering alcoholic (23 years sober) and it was ugly and he did things that he never would've done sober._**

 ** _That's what this is._**

 ** _The reviewer didn't think she'd get a 'happy ending' lots of times you don't get one, thankfully my father did._**

 ** _Will this story have a happy ending?_**

 ** _You'll have to wait and see, but I hope to do it justice. I hope that reviewer will stick around to see how it plays out._**

 ** _Normally, I'd respond to the review privately but it was a guest review and that's not an option._**

 ** _Thanks for reading, and the reviews._**


	11. Chapter 11

Hank grabbed the paperwork from the printer, he'd made a few calls and had already made the arrangements. He was certain this was going to go over like a lead balloon but it was their best option, he couldn't allow her to go to jail.

That was not an option.

He was working against the clock a bit, he knew it was just a matter of time before the walls closed in. He had hoped his people would keep Bob Ruzek off his back for a little bit longer, they had obviously come through big time last night. He had hoped they would but he knew what Ruzek was like, and he knew he wouldn't back off.

If he could go back in time he'd do it all differently, he would've never suggested the case to Erin.

Jay went around the back and in via the roll up the last thing he felt like doing was running in to Adam and Kim in the lobby, he had caught a glimpse of them as they headed in.

As he made his way through the bullpen, he nearly barreled over Voight as he came out of the copy room, "What's going on? Adam and Kim are here. Did you call them too?"

Hank curled the papers up in his hands, "No. Where are they?" This wasn't how it was supposed to go down, he had hoped to get Erin out of town before Adam and Kim found out what was going on. He had already planned on stopping by the hospital after getting Erin squared away, he was going to tell them everything.

Was it the easy way out? Absolutely.

He knew that, and he didn't care.

"They had just stepped foot in the building when I got here, they came in the front. I came in the back" Jay told him, "What's that? Why'd you call me?"

Hank headed for his office, "I called you for help. I've got Erin in my office and I need you."

"Boss, I don't know..." Jay stammered, "I don't know what I can do."

Hank handed him the papers, "I'm sending Erin to rehab. I've found a great facility a few hours northwest of here. It's a great place, great doctors. Everything. She needs this, it's our best option. Bob Ruzek knows, he confronted me with it. He went to the brass, I'm kind of surprised they haven't arrested Erin yet. Bob must've told Adam. We need to get her out of here. I know things are tough between you and Erin now, but she needs you Jay."

Jay read over the paperwork, "Well, we need to get moving. He's downstairs. I'm angry, but I love Erin, Hank. I won't let Ruzek at her."

"Erin doesn't know, I'm not sure she's going to go willingly." Hank stuffed the papers in his pocket, "we need to get her out of here. Now."

"Let's go. We can talk to her in the car." The last thing Jay wanted was to get into it with Adam. He was furious with Erin but he wasn't going to standby and let Adam or Kim rip into Erin.

Adam had just placed his hand on the palm reader when she rounded the corner, "Adam!" She called out, his name sounding foreign as it fell from her lips. She never called him by his name, it was always 'Ruzek' or one of the numerous nicknames she has bestowed upon him. Never Adam.

Trudy felt like she was stuck in a nightmare, this couldn't be happening. She was very much on Kim and Adam's side in this, as awful as that sounded. She hated that this was ripping the intelligence unit apart, it had blown the unit apart. A unit that had been so close up until a week and a half ago, a unit that had been a family.

It was in shambles.

Adam spun around, "Yeah?" He felt Kim's hand on his hip, "I'm in a hurry..."

Platt hugged Kim, "How's Emerson? When does she get to go home?" Was she stalling for time? Yeah, it seemed so. She had to do something, she was terrified of what would happen if they encountered Erin. She could see the rage in Adam's eyes, he was clearly furious and it was evident Kim had been in tears most of the day her eyes swollen and bloodshot.

"She's hanging in. I think she's being discharged soon." Adam answered quickly, his hand already slipping back in the palm reader.

"Son!" Bob called him, "Adam, wait!" He had made it happen, the head of IA on his heels, "don't go upstairs, I need to speak to you and Kim. In private." He held his jacket in his hands twisting the fabric as he spoke.

"Pops..." Adam turned to face his dad, he recognized the men who flanked him. "What the hell?"

Bob sighed, "I wanted to tell you..but I had the kids."

"Where are they now?" Kim spoke up, an uneasiness filled her. "Where are my babies?"

"The babysitter. I called her. They're fine." Bob explained, "Adam, Kim..."

Jay helped Erin down the stairs, "Its okay, Erin. It's going to work out." He whispered into her ear, his heart ached for her but he knew this had to be done. It should've happened years ago after Nadia died and Erin went off the rails. She had gone on a serious bender and it was all glossed over the second she came back to work. A few informal visits with ironically over drinks at Molly's and it was done. She was welcomed back with open arms, she had blown off a few drug tests and it was swept under the rug.

That was on him and Hank. They allowed that behavior to occur, and it had never truly left. Sure, she could handle herself at the bar, a few drinks and she was okay. They never should've given her that case, never should she have been placed in that environment.

She popped a few pills to make the case work, that was all it took. She was lost in the sea of addiction.

"I'm sorry..." she mumbled, her words almost unintelligible through the sobs.

Kim felt her heart race, "She nearly killed my baby!" Kim wailed as Bob explained, "She nearly killed my baby...she was high?" Kim screamed, tears pouring from her eyes. Her hands shaking as the reality hit her.

"I'm sorry.." Bob reached out to her, only for Kim to jerk her body away from him and out of Adam's grasp.

"That..." she gasped for air, "...bitch...she..nearly killed my little girl!" Her knees buckling, Adam raced forward to catch her.

"Darlin', Emme's okay" Adam held her, "She's okay..."

It was as if Kim found a second wind, she stood upright and angrily wiped her tears away, "I want her arrested."

"She will be, Kim." Bob spoke up, "That's why they're here. I went above Voight's head but that didn't work...so I called in a favor of my own. They're going to arrest Erin. We just need to find her."

"Voight's. I'm sure she's at Voight's." Adam supplied.

"Already checked. It's why we are..." Bob stopped mid-sentence when the gate opened and Jay and Erin stepped on to the landing.

Kim saw red, her face flushed and she charged at Erin, "You bitch!" She screamed, spittle flying from her mouth, she had never been so enraged in her life, "You nearly killed my baby...how could you?" She clawed at Erin, Jay threw his arm up to try and keep Kim from making contact with Erin.

That set Adam off, he had one arm wrapped around Kim's waist and his other pushing Jay away, "Don't touch my wife!" He pushed Kim further away only for her to circle back and grab Erin yanking her away from Jay.

Platt was in a state of shock, it was chaos as emotions erupted. She grabbed Kim, "Stop it!" She was pushed backwards as Kim cocked her arm and landed a punch to Erin's jaw sending Erin to the floor.

She never attempted to fight back, she had given up. She loathed herself and knew she deserved whatever Kim threw at her, in fact the physical pain was welcomed.

Hank was a few steps behind but heard the commotion and flew down the stairs, "Hey!" He shouted, "Ruzek stop it! Halstead, get her out of here!" He commanded, Ruzek and Halstead had just started to toss hands, Bob had grabbed Adam and was doing his best to keep hold of him.

Trudy had wrangled Kim and moved her to behind the desk, Hank wanted to rush to Erin's side but stood back, choosing to address the suits, "What are you two doing here?"

"We're here for Detective Lindsay. She's under investigation. Which I'm sure you're aware of, and I'd like to speak to you and Detective Halstead." He grabbed his handcuffs from his belt, "Detective Lindsay, you're under arrest..."

Jay stopped him, "No! She's not. Don't you dare touch her." He stepped between them, "she needs help..."

"Get out of the fucking way Halstead!" Adam roared, "She nearly killed my kid..she's a fucking junkie..she's lucking she can still fucking walk..." he fought against his father's restraint, "If you don't move I will fucking move you!"

"Calm down, Son. Let IA do their job." He kept his hand on Adam's chest, "go to your wife, Adam. She needs you."

Kim sat on a bench sobbing, Trudy's arms wrapped around her. The anger from just mere seconds ago had been replaced with sadness unbelievable sadness. Her heart had shattered the second she realized Erin had been high. She had handed Emerson over to her best friend, a friend she loved as if she was her sister. A friend she entrusted her children's lives with only for that trust to be broken in the worst of ways.

She was devastated.

"Shh, Kim. Try and calm down." Trudy ran her hand over Kim's hair, "You need to breathe."

"You can't arrest her." Hank pushed one of the detectives away, "She's going to rehab. She's sick, she needs help."

"A little late for that.." Adam shouted, "Lock her ass up!"

The detective moved to cuff, "She'll go. Please don't put her in handcuffs..please" Hank pleaded.

"Fine." He put the handcuffs away, "Let's go. You can ride with us."

Now that she had a minute to breathe Trudy looked around the lobby and was taken aback by the damage, shelves had been toppled a few chairs broken. At one point all hell had broken loose now it was replaced by quiet and stillness.

It was surreal.

"Adam, Kim. Are you okay? How's your hand Kim?" Trudy gingerly lifted up, "You need some ice and maybe an x-ray" her heart breaking for the woman, she had felt betrayed by Erin's actions she knew it had to be even worse for Kim.

Kim accepted the tissue from Adam, "I'm okay..not really...but..." she fell into Adam's arms, sobbing uncontrollably, "I trusted her." She mumbled against his chest.

"I know. We all did. She's sick, she has a problem" Trudy replied, try as she might to not feel for Erin, she couldn't help it. She felt sorry for her, she knew that Erin was hurting too, but right now she had to focus on Kim and Adam, and Kevin and Kara.

"I don't want to hear it" Adam barked, "My little girl and KiKi. They're the ones who are suffering. I'm tired of everyone making excuses for her, she's never had to own up to her issues, Voight always cleaned up after her. That stops now. She's going to pay for this. One way or another."

They had sat in meetings for most of the morning, and it was draining. All they wanted was to be by their little girls' side, thankfully she was sleeping soundly. The meetings were intense and a bit scary, discussing your daughter's medical issues was hard.

They didn't know much, and had far more questions than they had answers and those answers may never come. They had to be okay with that but it wasn't easy. They both longed to hear Kiana's voice, but that hadn't happened and they feared it never would.

Their priority was getting Kiana back in surgery and replacing the piece of skull that had been removed, they would use a small plate to do so. She was currently wearing a helmet and would do so until they could do the repair. She had started thrashing about and they feared an injury, that was the last thing she needed. She seemed to have use of her limbs but above and beyond that they knew nothing.

Her eyes finally settled down and she had been able to focus them but she still looked out of it, showed no sign of recognizing anyone. She looked haunted, and her eyes seemed vacant.

Her larger than life personality was gone.

That had been hard to swallow, not knowing what was left of their daughter and had been lost was gut wrenching and would crushing.

They had her. She was alive, they had to cling to that. The rest would sort itself out, saying that was easy, believing it was the hard part.

When they finally returned to her room, Kara broke down in Kevin's arms. She had held it together all morning but in the confines of their daughter's hospital room she lost it.

"Come on, babe. Please don't cry, KiKi is strong, she's strong like you. She's gonna overcome this, you'll see. She'll be up and running that mouth in no time..me and her...were gonna annoy the hell out you. Just you wait."

A small smile graced Kara's features, "I'm holding you to that."

They finally cleared out of the 21st, Bob had tried to tag along with IA but they had turned him away, "I'm sorry you two. This isn't how I wanted you to find out."

Adam nodded, "It's fine, Emme had a bad dream Pops. She told me. She didn't understand what was going on that day, but she was scared and wanted Kim, in fact she begged Erin to bring her home. She didn't though. I think she brought the girls around her mother."

Bob shook his head in disgust, "I could..." he closed his eyes and exhaled slowly, "...never mind. It's being handled now. I'm going to relieve the babysitter, you two go back to Emme. I will bring the kids up later. I love you both" he hugged his son and daughter in law, "Justice will be served."

Kim had an exam and a fracture was ruled out, she and Adam took some time to themselves to try and wrap their heads around the news. It had resulted in a lot of tears and heartache. Mostly for Kim, she had to come to terms with that fact that her best friend had risked her daughter's life. That had been a hard pill to swallow, Kim felt a bit of guilt as she hadn't picked up any cues to Erin's state of mind and simply handed her daughter over to her. Adam did his best to console her but it was near on impossible, instead he held her as she cried his own tears mingled with hers.

They had spent the rest of the day with Emerson, she wasn't pleased when she woke up and found her parents weren't at her side. She didn't like it when they weren't within eyesight and she had lashed out.

Kim had to get in the bed with her and held her until she cried herself to sleep, it left Adam with telling Kevin the news.

A conversation he wasn't looking forward to.

Kara stroked Kiana's cheek, it had been a rough go over the last few hours and it had resulted in restraints and she wanted to vomit at the sight of them. Kiana being tied down was awful, but it was necessary she had started pulling at her IV and the oxygen tube in her nose, her hands had limited mobility but she seemed to be able to work around it.

There was a silver lining though, their little girl was fighting and that was a positive sign.

The knock on the door startled them a bit, Adam poked his head inside, "Kev, you got a minute?"

Kevin looked at Kara, "Go on, baby. I'm good." She smiled at Kevin, "You need some fresh air."

Kevin rubbed Kiana's foot and nodded his head, "I won't be to long."

"Son of a bitch!" Hank slammed his hand on the counter, "You're locking her up?

"Yes. She committed a crime. Keep it up and you'll be in the cell beside her" he pushed his way through Voight and towards his office, "She's being held until her arraignment, go home. You won't be granted access until she's been arraigned."

"You don't want to do this.." Hank was livid, "you're using her to get to me! You've got me, okay? Charge me with whatever you want.." he held his hands out to him, "cuff me, go on. Do it."

The detective rolled his eyes, "Save the theatrics Voight. This isn't about you. It's about two little girls. One who may never be the same again."

They walked through the hospital playground the sound of laughter flitted on the breeze around them, Adam had become pretty familiar with the playground as of late Mikey and Avery throughly enjoyed the small suspension bridge. They'd laugh hysterically when Milo would jump up and down making the bridge wobble and sway.

"You seem agitated, Ruzek. What's up?" Kevin knew his buddy was off the minute he poked his head through the door.

"I've got news. It's not good." Adam sat down at a picnic table tucked away in the shade, "about the accident."

Kevin couldn't bring himself to sit down, "I get the feeling it's ugly.."

"It is man. Fucking Lindsay was high and drunk off her ass. She drove our kids when she was blitzed...fucking three sheets man. What's worse is Voight did his usual shit. He made it all go away. My pops had heard some rumblings and he confronted Voight." He barely took a breath, "We went down to the 21st this morning, Kim and I did. It was nasty, Kim went after Erin. Tossed a few punches. Halstead and I got into it. My pops showed up with IA, they've arrested Lindsay. Hank is trying to get her out of it I'm sure."

Kevin sat down heavily beside him, "I had this feeling man..in my gut. I tried to ignore it." Adam was a bit surprised by Kevin's reaction or lack thereof to be more precise but he listened intently as Kevin continued to talk, "It was weird man. They never checked on Kiana, Halstead left a message but that was it...no one showed up. Not even Platt. That's why, they all knew..didn't they?"

"Think so. Trust me Platt isn't happen, Olinsky either. I don't think they knew what to do. It's why they avoided us." Adam was angry with the entire unit, "Doesn't make me feel any better. Voight's all about family...but he does this."

"Fuck him and her." Kevin spit back, "Voight's all about himself and Lindsay it's been that way from day one. We all just went with the flow."

"Not anymore." Adam retorted, "I hope she rots."

Kevin looked at his clasped hands, "Shit.."

"I know."

Kevin leaned back, "It changes everything. You think you can go to war with them? Cause I don't."

Adam leaned his elbows on his thighs, "I thought Voight had our six man, I never once doubted that..but I do now. This changes it all."

Intelligence would never be the same.

 ** _Well?_**

 ** _First off, just to touch on my last author's note, that review didn't offend me in any way I was just offering some insight on where I was coming from. I hope the reviewer realizes that, I welcome criticism._**

 ** _I had some difficulty with this chapter, and I had one written before and I hated it so I tossed it and then I struggled big time. I hope this at least halfway decent, it's given me some restless nights._**

 ** _Forgive any errors, I've gone over it so much my eyes are starting to cross, I'm sure I missed some._**


	12. Chapter 12

She had longed for all of her children to be under the same roof for days, and it had finally happened. Kim hadn't slept well in weeks, she had been hopeful that once Emme was home she'd be able to sleep, that was a fucking joke. All of that changed the instant she learned her best friend had nearly killed her daughter.

She was a mess, a sleep deprived emotional wreck.

On the rare occasion she did drift off, it wasn't long before she woke up drenched in sweat and her heart pounding wildly. Her dreams filled with gruesome images of Erin's wrecked car, and her mangled daughter and Kiana.

Poor precious Kiana, she had taken the brunt of the impact. She had made a few strides but was still in the fight of her life.

A life that Erin nearly ended.

A life Erin didn't value.

It ignited a firestorm within her, Kim had never felt such anger and rage before in her life. She was consumed with it, her hands trembled at just the thought of Erin. She had lost at least twenty pounds since the altercation in the lobby of the 21st and everything had changed for her family.

They had been able to shield the kids Emerson included from it all. They had no idea Erin was in jail and awaiting trial, nor did they know that Adam had transferred out of the 21st and cut all ties with Voight and Halstead both. Adam had agonized over it, but had decided that he couldn't work alongside Voight or Halstead and trust them to have his back, nor could he have theirs. So he transferred out, he was currently in limbo as the department looked for an opening for him. He was bouncing around a bit, and wasn't working more than forty hours a week.

The only ties that hadn't been severed were with Platt and Olinsky. Unfortunately Al and Adam's relationship had been strained but they seemed to have found some common ground. It was a shaky work in progress, and she hoped with time they would be back to normal.

She craved that normalcy, everything had been turned upside down. It was a daily struggle to keep her head above water. She was going to do it though, their entire family would come out of this nightmare stronger than ever.

Kim was thankful that Adam didn't cut all from their lives, Adam and Al had been tight for years and Kim didn't think Al would be recover if he lost Adam and their children from his life. Lexi's death had nearly destroyed Al and it was her and Adam that had pulled him from the darkness that had consumed him.

He viewed their children as pseudo grandchildren, the kids adored him.

Their kids had lost so much already, she hated the thought of them losing Al as well.

She dreaded the day Milo asked for Jay, that wasn't going to be easy. Milo thought Jay hung the moon and he was going to be gutted to learn that he wasn't allowed contact with him.

Milo had placed Jay on a pedestal, just as Emerson had with Erin. Her children had adored the couple and she and Adam had entrusted them both with their most prized possessions and it nearly cost them Emerson.

They were furious with Jay when they discovered that he knew Erin had fallen off the wagon and he said nothing. There was no way in the hell they'd make the same mistake again, Jay wasn't behind the wheel that day; but he might as well have been. They couldn't trust him, they wouldn't allow him around their children.

"Mommy.." the monitor sprung to life Avery's soft voice cut through the haze of her own guilt, she wasn't even in the house when she heard the creak of the nursery's door and Adam's voice.

"Daddy's here baby." Adam whispered as he lifted Avery from her crib, her cheeks dampened by her tears, "couldn't sleep, huh." He relished the weight of her in his arms. She was their last baby and he was going to soak up every last ounce of her, he loved the way she held a fistful of his shirt in her hand. How she loved to bury her face in the crook of his neck, he loved the tickle of her breath on his skin. He adored his little girl, he loved his children with all he had but there was something about his girls. "Mommy couldn't sleep either, let's go find her." He knew exactly where she'd be, she had taken to sitting out back in the early morning.

Adam took the seat next to Kim, the sun was just beginning to rise. "Hey.." Adam leaned over and kissed her softly, "Couldn't sleep?" Avery immediately reached her arms out for Kim.

Kim cuddled Avery, "No..I'm so tired, Adam." It came out in a was exhausted, but it didn't seem to matter she never slept for more than a half hour at best.

Adam caressed her thigh, "I'm sorry. I wish I could help you." This was the hardest thing they had ever gone through, even harder than losing Lucy. That was hard and it was still hard but Lucy's death was a cruel twist of fate. Emerson's accident was because their friend was an addict and she didn't care about Emme or Kiana she only cared about herself and getting high. She knowingly put Emerson in danger, she didn't care about their daughter's life at all, all she cared about was finding her next high.

Kim wiped away a few rouge tears, "I think I know what will help." It had floated around in her head for days, festering like a wound that refused to heal.

Adam leaned forward in his chair, "Done. Whatever it is, I will do it. I will do anything to make this easier for you. Anything at all."

God she loved him. Kim reached out for his hand, "You can't fix this for me baby. I love you so much, Adam. I love how you want to make everything okay for me and our children, but you can't fix this."

"I wish I could." Adam replied with tears in his eyes, "You've got no idea how much this hurts, I can't help Emme or you. I can't fix it for you."

"Baby you do help. We aren't broken, just been knocked on our asses for a bit. I'm getting up though, and I won't be knocked down again. I promise you that."

"What're you going to do?" Adam asked, watching Avery as her eyelids fluttered closed and she snuggled even deeper into Kim's side.

"I'm going to see her." Kim told him, her voice sounding cold. "I need to see her."

Thirty-three tiles.

Three steps to the small toilet in the corner of the room, just a half wall obscuring it from view of any one passing by her cell.

Six steps to the bars.

The paint on the bars was chipped and peeling, she had taken to peeling the paint off and gathering the chips in the small water cup they had given her. It was something to keep her hands busy and her mind focused. The small window above the slab of metal that was her bed was filthy, it was double paned and chicken wire sat between the panes of glass. She was entitled to thirty minutes a day in the yard but had declined the opportunity. She was in protective custody but once she was in the yard it seemed all bets were off, her first week here she had taken a serious beating.

Her body was craving another high, and the withdrawal symptoms were awful but she knew she deserved all of that and so much more. She had refused any contact with anyone on the outside, her attorney was the only person she had seen. That was a mandatory visit, she refused Hank each time he had tried to visit. She was certain no one else would be visiting, Bunny hadn't shown her face. That didn't surprise her at all, in fact it was par for the course where her mother was concerned. She was never around when Erin actually needed her. If it wouldn't benefit Bunny she was a no show, she only wanted Erin when she was at her weakest. She was pretty fucking weak at the moment, but Bunny would never step foot in the prison.

Why the fuck did she ruin everything?

She ruined her relationship with Jay.

Destroyed her friendship with Kim and Adam.

All of that hurt, but nothing hurt her as deeply as knowing she had hurt Emerson and Kiana. Those precious girls, two innocent little lives and she had nearly killed them both.

Kiana would never be the same.

Nothing would ever be the same.

Adam was struggling with Kim's admission just a few hours ago, they had argued about it some. He didn't want her anywhere near Lindsay and if she insisted on going to see her, he wanted to accompany her. They had gone to their bedroom to talk, the last thing they needed was the entire neighborhood hearing their argument. Nor did they want the kids hearing it.

Kim refused, told him she needed to do it alone.

Adam stormed out of the room, slamming the door as he left. When he went back in just a bit later he found Avery and Kim sleeping soundly. He kissed them both before creeping out of the room. Thankful that Kim was sleeping, but feeling like the biggest dick in the world.

He was wallowing a bit when Mikey and Milo showed up in the kitchen, both looking for breakfast. Adam grabbed the cereal and poured them each a bowl, "Here you go fellas." He sat at the table as they ate, he had missed their usual morning routine. They'd eat sugary cereal and then zone out on sportscenter while Kim and the girls did 'girlie' things. Their Saturday mornings were pure bliss, and he hoped they'd have those moments again.

"So.." Milo slurped the milk off his spoon "...I was wondering since Emme is home and she doesn't have any appointments today.." he grabbed another spoonful of milk, the kid was a slurper and it drove Kim nuts, "...maybe we can have a guys day. Just you, me, Mikey, and Jay. We haven't had one in a long time. I wanna try those new batting cages.."

He rambled on, oblivious to the shift in Adam.

"No." Adam was gruff, "No."

Milo dropped the spoon in the bowl, "Why not?" He whined, crossing his arms across his chest, "I want to."

Adam grabbed Mikey's bowl and emptied what was left dumping it down the disposal, "I said no, Milo. That's it. No."

"That sucks, dad." Milo grumbled as he pushed back from the table, "Sucks big balls. I want to go. It's not fair, I never get to go anywhere...Emme gets everything." He dumped his bowl in the sink, "Its stupid."

"Drop it Milo" Adam hissed.

"No! I wanna go! So does Mikey. We don't get to do anything fun anymore it's all about stupid Emme and I hate it!" He tugged the corner of his bottom lip into his mouth in an effort to keep from crying.

"Milo!" Adam slammed his hand on the counter, he was losing the slim hold he had on his temper. Teetering precariously on the edge of losing his shit on his son and that was the last thing he wanted to do. He was angry but it wasn't with Milo, it was with Lindsay.

Milo flinched as Adam yelled, "I hate it..and I hate you! You're mean!" He burst into tears and took off for his bedroom.

"Fuck!" Adam hung his head and groaned.

"Fuck!" Mikey parroted.

Adam glanced over his shoulder at his little boy, "That's a bad word, Michael. Daddy shouldn't have said it. Don't say it, okay?"

"Okay." Mikey went to him, "hold me, daddy." He reached up to him.

Adam picked his boy up, it wasn't often the little guy requested to be held, "I'm sorry, kid."

"You're not mean, daddy. You're nice." Mikey wrapped his arms around Adam's neck.

"I love you Michael."

"I love you too!"

Al found him huddled over in a booth at the back of the diner, "Hey." He slid in opposite, "Been looking for you for days. You're not at home.."

Hank held the coffee mug in his hands, "Been busy."

"Bullshit. How's Erin?" Al asked him.

"Don't know. She won't see me. How's Ruzek and Atwater? The girls?" Hank was desperate for information on the girls. He had wanted to see both Adam and Kevin when the dust settled but he was a coward. He couldn't bare to look either man in the eye.

"Emme is good, she's home and on the mend. Kiana? Well, she's fighting." It was heartbreaking to see Kiana, she was conscious and breathing on her own and was going to live. She was being fed intravenously and was unable to talk or walk. She was very infant like and they weren't sure what the future held.

Hank hung his head, "That poor girl"

"Every once in a while, she'll smile. It's that beautiful smile that lights up her entire face, KiKi is trying Hank. She's fighting to get better. Erin needs to do so as well."

"I failed her. I failed the unit." Hank hated what all of this had done, Adam had transferred out but it wasn't necessary the unit had been suspended and no one knew what was going to happen. "Where have they stuck you?"

Al shrugged, "They had me scheduled to fill in on patrol down at the thirty-seven but I put in for furlough. I'm not walking the beat, I've already pounded the pavement and I'm too old for that shit. I'm thinking about handing my badge in."

"Retire?"

"Yeah. I'm not a beat cop, Hank. You know that. It's the unit or nothing for me." They were waiting for the final ruling from IA on wether or not intelligence would be allowed to continue and if it would be under the direction of Voight. "Have you heard from IA yet?"

"Nope." He had offered himself up in exchange for Erin. She would go to the rehab center he had set up for her and he'd go down for whatever crime they wanted to pin on him. They declined his offer and seem to froth at the mouth at the mere thought of putting Erin away for a long time.

"Soon? Intelligence is vital to this city. They know that, they're just flexing their muscles. No way they'll shut us down, no way in hell."

"Hey Mikey" Kim tousled his hair, "where's Milo?"

Mikey looked up from the coloring book, "Him's got mad at daddy. He yelled and went to him's room. Daddy's not mean mommy, Milo was wrong. Daddy's good and nice, right?"

"He is baby, daddy is the best. Where is daddy now?" Kim was surprised that she had fallen asleep and it may have only been for a few hours but it had felt like days and she felt rejuvenated for the first time in weeks. A clear indicator that her decision to see Lindsay was the right thing to do.

"I not know." Mikey shrugged.

"Thanks daddy." Emme beamed, "you did a great job" she looked at her toes, they were freshly painted a light pink and her good hand had been painted a light blue.

"You think so?" Adam smiled, "I tried my best..but it doesn't look like how mommy does it"

"It's great daddy. You just need to practice, mommy does a really good job cause she's a girl. Girls are really good at nails."

Kim leaned on the doorframe, her heart bursting with love at the sight before her. Adam sat at the table with Emme's legs in his lap, her injured leg had been placed in a short weight bearing cast and she had been able to walk on it without a crutch. Her injured arm was still in a long arm cast and sling, they had a long way to go in the healing process.

"Hey..." Kim finally spoke, Emme's grew big as saucers and her face lit up.

"Mommy! Daddy painted my nails..look!" She held up her good hand for Kim to admire, "I wanted you to do them. You're really good at it. Daddy said I had to let you sleep, cause you are super tired..so he did them. He did a good job, he needs to practice though. He got some polish on my fingers. I'm gonna paint his later, aren't I daddy?"

Did the kid ever breathe? Adam nodded his head, "Yes, baby. You are."

Kim approached them and kissed Emme's cheek, "Mikey is coloring in the living room, I bet he'd like it if you colored with him."

Emme jumped up from the chair, she had become surprisingly agile and it made Kim's heart clench as Emme tore around the house like a wild woman. "okay, I will."

"Slow down, sweetheart" Kim pleaded though it fell on deaf ears, Emerson was a force to be reckoned with.

Adam turned to face her, "You slept?"

"Yes. I did, thank you." Kim took the seat opposite him. "Can we talk..."

"I'm sorry." Adam reached across the table and grabbed her hand, "I'm an ass..."

"No, Adam. I'm sorry. I bit your head off and you were only trying to help.." she explained, "..I need to do this alone though. Just me and her. She is...well, she was my best friend Adam. She had my back, she stood by me during the worst time of our lives. She held me while I cried, and I stood by her when she needed me. This hurts so deeply, on so many levels. I want to do this. I want to look her in the eye and make sure she knows what she has done and I need to do it alone."

Adam hated it. He knew how heart broken she was, and he knew she carried an immense guilt on her own shoulders. He did too. He just wanted to be by her side to hold her up if she should fall. "I get it, I do. I just hate you being alone."

"I won't be. You'll drive up with me, and you'll be there as soon as I'm done talking to her. I just need to do it this way, you understand..right?"

Adam got up and pulled her out of her chair, wrapping his arms around her. "I do. I will be waiting for you, and if you change your mind just say the word." He pulled back to kiss her, they kissed for a few moments before separating, "I yelled at Milo." He leaned his forehead on her's, "It was ugly. He hates me."

"No he doesn't. What happened?" Kim had ahold of his hips.

"Milo wants to check out the new batting cages...with Jay." Adam sighed. He hated how sad Milo looked but he couldn't stand to be in Jay's presence.

"Oh.." Kim managed to croak out.

"Exactly."

' _Nothing more we can do for her here'_

That was what kept ringing in his ears, his daughter was no longer in critical condition she was stable. You'd think that would have him jumping with joy, but it was bittersweet. His little girl was being discharged but she wasn't going home.

She was moving to a rehabilitation hospital about an hour outside of Chicago, with hopes that she'd improve under their care. They hoped she would find her voice, that she would regain control of her limbs, she'd relearn how to eat and a thousand other things.

Things that had been stolen from her.

He was in the process of packing up all of the cards, flowers, and gifts that she had accumulated in the weeks since the accident. He had watched as Kim did the same thing, only her little girl went home.

Emerson was healthy, happy, and well on the road to recovery. It was hard to not be a little bitter, he was thrilled for Emme he loved her. He wanted the best for her, but he wanted that for his little girl too.

He longed to hear her voice, he found solace in the few smiles they had been blessed with, it was a little bit of light in their darkest days.

Those smiles were enough to keep him going, he would do anything to see that smile.

Kim followed Adam outside, "What do we do?" Adam turned and asked her, "We can't lie to him Adam, but does he need to know everything?"

Adam leaned against the deck railing, "I'm not sure. Kim, I don't know what to do. It's gonna break his heart."

Kim folded her arms across her chest, "We need to tell him, I don't want to lie to him."

Adam ran his hand through his hair, "Tell him what? Tell him that Erin is a pill head and almost killed his sister and Kiana? Tell him that Jay kept his mouth shut?"

Kim sucked her teeth, "Shit, I don't know. Maybe you should talk to Jay. Maybe Milo can still see him. Are we being too hard on him?"

Adam bent over at the waist and stared at his feet, "I don't know. I don't know what to do, Kim. I'm pissed at him, seriously fucking pissed. He knew and he said nothing, he let our little girl get in a car with her..how can we forgive him for that?"

Kim rested her hand on the small of Adam's back, "I don't know. I do know it's eating you alive. He was your best friend, maybe you should talk to him. Even if it's for your own piece of mind. I just know we can't go on like this, we can't carry this with us forever."

Adam pulled her into his arms, "I think you're right. I'll talk to Jay. What about Milo?"

"Take him to the batting cages. Tell him Jay's busy. Just you and Milo, he's been pushed to the side a bit." Kim looped her arms around Adam's neck, "He's such a good boy, you two need a guys day."

It was easy for Milo to get pushed aside some, he was the oldest and pretty self sufficient and he was often lost in the mix.

"You sure?" Adam couldn't keep the smile off his face he had been excited when they learned of the cages. It was pretty cool, they had the batting cages, go karts, and video games.

"Yes. Go and have fun with Milo. Milo needs you. You both need some fun." Kim stood on her toes to kiss him, "Then you need to call Jay, and I need to talk to her." It was still difficult to speak her name and Kim avoided it whenever she could.

 ** _Two more chapters left, the confrontations and then one to wrap it all up. It's been a fun ride, and I know a few aren't happy with how I've written Erin but I'm hoping you'll stick it out to the end._**

 ** _Thanks for reading and leaving a review!_**


	13. Chapter 13

The last thing he expected was a text from Adam Ruzek, he was certain that bridge had been burned to a crisp. When the text came through asking him if they could meet up for a drink he couldn't reply fast enough.

Yes. Yes he wanted to grab a beer with him. He and Adam had been tight for years, he watched as Adam buried his infant daughter, and he rejoiced with him when Emme was born. He went to many of Milo's soccer games, he had sat through Emerson's dance recitals and attended every one of their kids birthdays. He had thrown it all away when he allowed Erin to go on as if everything was fine.

He had to live with that guilt, perhaps it was a bit of denial on his part. Who knew why he allowed himself to turn a blind eye to her addictions. He had and it cost him everything.

He loved Erin with every ounce of his being, he mistakenly thought his love for her was enough. That he was the missing piece and that she would no longer crave the feeling of euphoria of being three sheets and high as a kite.

Jay was a 'fixer', and despite his best efforts he couldn't fix Erin.

He wasn't even sure she wanted to be fixed.

He only hoped he could fix his relationship with Adam and Kim.

Once he had made the decision to talk to Jay he had to act fast, if he sat on it he feared he'd back out.

What would happen after this meeting was anyone's guess, Adam wasn't sure what he wanted out of it but he knew he needed to do it. Even if it was just to get everything off his chest, to let Jay have it.

Mikey climbed into his lap, "I come too?"

Adam tugged lightly on Mikey's ear, "Not tonight bubs. Just grown ups."

Mikey furrowed his brow, "Man night?"

Adam chuckled. "Yeah, its man night. So that means I need you to help Milo look after our girls, okay? Be a good boy for mommy while I'm gone." He moved Mikey to the couch, "I gotta go. Be good."

Kim met Adam at the door, "I love you, Adam." She grabbed ahold of his hips pulling him flush against her. She had missed him, all of him. They hadn't had much alone time since the accident. She stood on her tip-toes to kiss him, "We need to figure out how to get passed this.." she muttered between kisses.

Adam gripped the back of her neck, "Darlin'..."he mumbled before capturing her mouth in a fiery kiss, "you're making it hard to leave..."

Kim ran her hands down his torso, and along the front of his jeans, "That's not the only thing I'm making _hard_..."

Adam laughed, "Babe, it's been a while. It doesn't take much.."

"Hurry home, okay?" She pushed him towards the door, "The kids will be in bed early tonight." She could hear him groan as he left.

Cartoons were on, Kiana appeared to be watching them intently but no one was really sure what was going on in her head. Was there even anything going on? It was gut wrenching for Kevin to even imagine.

He was choosing hope, he had to chose hope. It was the only thing keeping his and Kara's head above water. He reached out and held Kara's hand, "We are going to get through this, you know. Kiana will come out of this, our baby girl will come back to us. All of her. You'll see." He brought Kara's hand to his lips as kissed the back of it, "it won't be long until KiKi is running that mouth of hers and we won't remember what quiet sounded like."

Kara laughed softly, swiping a few tears away. It didn't take much these days to make her cry, her emotions were all over the map. Having a your child go through what Kiana had been through would do that to a person.

"I hope so." She leaned into Kevin's side, craving the security that his arms provided her with. When she had initially met Kevin she found him to be obnoxious and a bit arrogant. He was so full of himself, he told her that night they met that he would marry her. She had scoffed at the idea, but he was adamant and clearly he was right. Not that she was in a rush to remind him of that.

"I know so. It may take her a while to do it, but she will." He wrapped his arms around his wife, "You need to sleep, you're exhausted."

"Will you be my pillow?" She looked up at him, the steady beat of his heart had always lulled her to sleep, "I miss our baby girl's voice..."

"I do too...we will hear it soon.." he wrapped her up in his arms and held on as she cried. It wasn't long before he was crying as well, he glanced up at Kiana and she hadn't taken her eyes off the television.

She was oblivious.

Adam found Jay at the back of the bar, his head down a pint of beer in front of him.

"Hey." Adam took the stool next to him.

Jay's head popped up, "Ruzek.."

The awkwardness was palpable, Jay stood up and offered his hand to Adam.

Adam shook it, "Just a little awkward..eh?" He glanced at his feet and was about to speak again when Jay erupted like a volcano.

"I'm so fucking sorry man. I know that's not enough, that it'll never be enough but it's all I've got. I knew she had slipped up and I should've said something. She promised me it was under control. She swore she was clean, that it was just while she was undercover. I knew though. I had seen signs of it around the apartment. I fucked up. I never should've let her take the girls in her car. You've got no idea how much this hurts. Knowing I put Emme and KiKi in harms way." He finally took a breath, he had tears in his eyes and his voice had wobbled numerous times, "I hope you can forgive me, you and Kim. I know I don't deserve it, but I miss you guys."

Adam shoved his hands in his pockets, "Milo misses you. He wanted you to come to the batting cages with us. I told him no. He loves you man, all of my kids do. I just don't know where we stand. I appreciate the apology. More than you know, but Jay..you covered it up. You were getting her out of town..."

"To rehab." Jay interjected, "she needs help..she's an addict. She's not a criminal. They'll eat her alive in prison." He had heard from Hank that she had taken a few beatings, she had held her own for the most part until she was outnumbered.

"I know you love her, you're protecting her I get that, really I do. That's the problem though, you and Voight always swooping in and saving her. I'd give my life for my wife, I'd protect her. Sometimes you can't protect the people you love, she put my kid in danger... my kid Jay. I've already lost a daughter..." his voice cracked, "You know that, you saw what losing Lucy did to Kim. So did Erin, but she didn't care did she...she risked Emerson's life and she nearly lost her arm, KiKi? She's alive but beyond that..." his own voice cracking with emotion. "...I don't know what this means for us, I'd like to think we could find some common ground...but not know. It's too soon."

Jay nodded his head, "I understand. Please tell Kim I'm sorry. The kids too. Tell them I love them. Could you do that?"

"I will." Adam replied.

"Take care of yourself, man."

Milo stood in the doorway of the nursery watching Kim as she put Avery to bed, he waited until she was done, "Mom. Can I ask you something?" He picked at a hangnail on his pinky causing a droplet of blood to rush to the surface, he quickly slipped his finger in his mouth and sucked the blood away.

"Sure. Let's go in the living room" Kim placed her hands on his shoulders. He was her mini-Adam right down to the mannerisms it was uncanny how alike they were. She could feel the tension in his shoulders and she hated that her ten year old was carrying such a heavy burden.

Yep, he was definitely Adam Ruzek's son. He had been worried sick over his little sister and Kiana. Emerson's hospitalization was hard on Milo and he had struggled with it, he hated seeing her in pain.

They sat down on the couch, Kim was taken aback when he cuddled up beside her, usually he rebuffed her hugs and kisses but tonight he was seeking her out. That alone was enough to raise her hackles, "What is it honey?"

Milo spun the fidget spinner on his thumb, he had been sucked in to the latest fad courtesy of his grandfather who had been spoiling all of the grandchildren lately. He dropped it into his lap and turned on his side to look up at Kim.

"Dad. He's mad at Jay. Why? Did Jay do something?" Milo laid his head in her lap, his eyes focused on the ceiling, "I think he is. I think that's why dad yelled at me. What did Jay do?"

Kim groaned a bit, "Dad is out talking to Jay. You're right both dad and I are very upset with Jay. It's grown up stuff and it's very complicated. Your dad and I are dealing with it, we don't want you to worry about it."

Milo sat up, "I can't see Jay anymore, can I?"

Kim squeezed his hand, "I don't know pal. It's really complicated."

"I love Jay, he's my friend. He helps me with soccer, dad sucks at soccer. Jay doesn't." Milo's lip quivered, "Mom, I want to see Jay. Can't he just say sorry. Him and dad can say sorry. Like you tell me to tell Emme and Mikey I'm sorry, you say that we're family. Families say sorry, isn't Jay family?"

He dissolved into hysterics, "Milo..." Kim held him, "Let's just see what happens. Okay? It's not that easy."

Milo pulled back, "It could be though. I don't understand. Why can't I see Jay?"

If only she had an answer for him, instead she held on to him as he cried. Her heart shattering in her chest as he sobbed.

"What brings you here?" The voice made her skin crawl and despite turning her back on her 'roommate' it continued on, "I've heard stories. You're a cop?"

Erin finally rolled over, she was taken aback when she learned that she would be getting company in the small cell. "Can't believe everything you hear..."

"Nope, you can't. But you're a cop. No sense denying it." She leaned against the wall, "This whole block knows you're a cop, I'm pretty sure everyone knows it. Word travels fast in these parts."

"You ever shut up?" Erin tried to fold the pillow in half, it was pointless it still wasn't comfortable. That was the point wasn't it? You were supposed to be miserable in prison. It didn't matter where she was, in prison or at a five start resort, it didn't matter she'd be miserable.

"Nope. You shouldn't be so rude, you know. We all need a friend in this place." She pulled her legs up to her chest, "It seems like you've made plenty of enemies" she pointed at her face, "They get you in the yard?"

Ignoring her wasn't working, "They did. Seems protective custody doesn't include the yard. I'm fine, I'm trying to sleep. It's hard enough as it is...so can you just shut up."

"Sure. Sleep all you want..I've got time." She chuckled a bit before moving to lay on her side, "It's kinda amazing how they can fit two beds in this tiny ass cell." She grabbed the pillow at attempted to fluff it, "anyway...we will talk more in the morning. Good night."

Stopping at the gym hadn't been part of the plan but he had a shit ton of aggression he needed to work off. The heavy bag was very willing to catch the punches he had thrown at it.

"Well, look what the cat dragged in.." Antonio bellowed as he came out of the office, "Adam fucking Ruzek, how's life man?"

Adam pushed off the bag and wrapped his arms around Antonio, "Hey man. It's going. How're you?"

Antonio waved his head around, "I'm good, really good. How's Emerson? What about the other rug rats?"

Adam grabbed a water from the vending machine, "Emme is great. She's home, has been for a while now. Mikey and Avery are growing like weeds and Milo too."

"KiKi?" Antonio asked, "I've been so busy I haven't had much free time to visit the girls." Working with the DA he had been privy to all of the gory details of the case, and it didn't surprise him one iota. Erin was a good cop but she was a loose cannon, and he knew one day it would all catch up to her. He never imagined she would take Emerson Ruzek and Kiana Atwater down with her.

"Nah, its fine man. Emme got the gift basket. She loved it, you nailed it." Emerson had loved the basket filled with nail polishes, a few movies and numerous little trinkets and stickers.

"I tried to remember what my kids liked at that age. I'm glad she liked it." Antonio leaned against the wall, "What about you and Kim? I heard you transferred out."

"We are okay, trying to figure all of this out. I had to get out man, I can't work with them..."

"The unit has been shut down, pending IA's investigation. Did you know that?"

"Olinsky mentioned it. I'm sure Voight will be cleared."

"Maybe." He pushed off the wall, "I need to get back to it, paperwork never ends" he clapped Adam on the back, "Take care of yourself man."

Kim felt the bed sag under his weight, "When you said the kids would be in bed early, I didn't think you meant this" Adam whispered in her ear, Milo wrapped up in her arms.

She leaned back against his chest, his arm draped over her hip. "He was upset. He wanted to lay with me, you weren't home yet and well..I couldn't say no. He never wants to be hugged anymore and it's only gonna get worse so I jumped on it."

Adam leaned over her and kissed his son's head, "He's a handsome dude, isn't he? Takes after his daddy, he's a lucky boy." He teased as he curled into Kim's back, "I'm not a fan of the cock blocking though."

"Had you come home earlier we wouldn't have this problem. It's your fault." She let go of Milo and turned to face Adam, "I was worried, are you okay? How'd it go?"

"It went. He apologized. Made excuses for her." Adam replied, "I must sound like an ass..but that's all they are, excuses. I can't forgive her, Kim. That makes being around Jay hard, he still loves her."

Kim ran her hand over Adam's chest, "Well, Milo loves him. All of the kids do. Milo asked if you were made at Jay, and if that's why you yelled at him. He was so upset."

Adam hated it, "I know. I don't know what to do about it. I went to Antonio's gym. I needed to hit something. Can you forgive Jay? Cause I don't know if I can."

Kim leaned on her elbow, "Let's sleep on it. We will figure it out." She kissed him, "I love you.."

"I love you baby..I also love Milo...but I've gotta evict him." He mumbled as he kissed his way down her neck, "I will be right back.." he carefully lifted a sleeping Milo from the bed, "don't you dare fall asleep.."

The envelope was sealed and stamped, she slipped it in the slot.

There was no turning back now, she had put everything in motion and she only hoped she wouldn't regret it later.

"Bye mommy!!" Mikey stood on the back of the couch, waving his chubby hand frantically as Adam and Kim pulled out of Bob's driveway.

Bob scooped the little boy up, "Come on Mikey-Mike! Let's go play. Mommy and daddy will be back tomorrow. It's Poppy time now." Bob held him upside laughing as the little boy squirmed and squealed happily.

"I'm hungry, Pops" Milo announced as he searched the pantry, "where are the good snacks?" He rifled through the shelves, "it's all healthy crap.."

"I need to go shopping. How about we go out for dinner then grocery shopping and we can have an ice cream party later. Does that sound good?"

"That sounds awesome. Can we go now?" Milo had hit a growth spurt and would eat all day if he could, "I'm starving. Can I get a steak and double fries?"

Bob laughed, "Sure." He loved having his grandchildren around, he had missed out on quite a bit when Adam was little and he wouldn't make the same mistake with his grandchildren. Even if Milo's appetite would drain his bank account, the boy could put it away.

"Babe. You barely ate" Adam pointed to napkin covered plate.

She pushed the plate off to the side, "I'm not hungry." She took a sip of water, "I'm nervous."

Adam grabbed her hand, "I can go in with you."

"No. I need to do this alone. Just her and I." She squeezed his hand, "once we get there I'll be fine."

"Lindsay" the guard barked, she repeated herself when Erin didn't respond, "Get up."

Erin rolled on her side, "What?"

"Visitor. You've got a visitor."

"Tell him to leave." Erin bit back, certain it was Hank.

"It's not a he, it's a she."

Erin bolted up and was at the bars, "Who?"

She checked the clipboard, "Kim Ruzek."

Correctional facilities weren't new to her, she had been in more than her fair share during her career. She had picked prisoners up, she had done a stint in a juvenile facility. She knew the drill, she signed in with the receptionist and filled out the paperwork.

Her stomach was a mess and found sittinf still incredibly difficult. Normally it was Adam who fidgeted, he'd bounce his knee up and down or drum his fingers on his thigh or on the arm rest. He'd drive her crazy, so crazy that she'd make him get up and walk around a bit.

She was the one who couldn't sit still, she would cross and uncross her legs. Shifting in the seat, finally Adam had enough, "Darlin', you're killing me." He placed his hand on her knee and held it still, "you sure you don't want me to come in with you?"

"Yes!" She snapped, she ran her hands over her face "I'm sorry."

"It's okay." He placed his hand on the back of her head as he leaned in to kiss her cheek, "You can do this, I know that. I just don't want you to do it alone, that's all."

Erin sat nervously in the small room. Normally visits happened in a large common room, tables scattered throughout a few guards placed strategically around the tables. It wasn't like that for her, she was rarely placed in the gen pop.

Kim took a deep breath as she was led to the door, the guard opened it and she spotted Erin hunched over at the table. Her eyes filled with tears as she looked at the woman who had once been her best friend, her person. All of that had changed she was now the woman who almost killed her daughter.

"Kim!" Erin shouted as she looked up at her, "Kim..."

Kim stood with her back against the wall and held her hand up to silence Erin, "Don't. Don't talk to me. I'm not here to listen to you, I'm here for you to listen to me." Kim's voice was cold and steady, it surprised them both. "You have no idea how much I hate you. That just the mere sight of you turns my stomach."

"I'm sorry..."

"Shut the fuck up. Your apologies are meaningless. I don't want to hear them." Kim moved to sit opposite her at the table, "You and I were friends. The best of friends. You saw me at my weakest. You held me as I cried over Lucy, you held me when Adam and I struggled in the days and weeks after Lucy's death. You celebrated Emme's birth. The highs and lows, the good and the bad. You stood by me."

Erin bowed her head, unable to look at the hatred in Kim's eyes.

"Look at me!" Kim shouted, "It's the least of what I deserve." She waited until Erin lifted her head, "I trusted you with the lives of my children. I knew you would give your life for them." She angrily swiped a tear from her cheek, "I was wrong. You dragged my daughter to your mother's bar. You made my daughter and Kevin's little girl sit in that seedy bar while you got high. You didn't care that they were scared, that Emme was begging you to take her home. Nope. All that mattered was getting high!"

"Kim..." Erin reached out to touch her, "I will never..."

Kim yanked her hand away and jumped up from her seat, "Don't touch me! I hate you!" In an instant she was standing in front of Erin. "I am done with you. I never want to see your face or hear your voice again in my life."

Erin stood up, "Please...I'm sorry!" She was in tears, "I love you..I love Emme..."

Kim cocked her hand and delivered a slap to Erin's cheek, "Don't say my daughter's name." Her hand stung, "I'm done with you."

She yanked the door open and never looked back.

Erin's cheek stung, but it was her heart that ached. She had heard about hitting rock bottom and she never understood it until now.

She had finally hit rock bottom.

Adam jumped up when he saw a flash of brown hair, "Kim!" He raced to the door, catching her and she threw herself at him.

Tears streamed down her cheeks as she sobbed against his chest, "Its over baby, let's go home."

Food shopping sucked. He hated it but it was necessary evil, he and Will had flipped a coin and clearly he had lost.

He wandered the aisles and checked off each item off the list as he dropped it in the cart. He was so lost in the monotony of grocery shopping that he nearly barreled over a kid.

"Sorry" Jay mumbled.

"Jay!" Milo screamed, "Jay!" He dropped the bag of chips he had been told to get and jumped into Jay's arms, "I miss you!" He wrapped his arms tightly around Jay's neck.

Jay felt his eyes begin to water as he held his best friend's son in his arms, "Milo, Buddy. I missed you too. Where's mom and dad?"

Milo finally pulled back, Jay set him on his feet. "I'm with Pops. Mom and dad went somewhere far away. They're gonna stay in a hotel and pick us up tomorrow."

Jay tousled his hair, "That sounds like fun."

"It is, Pops is gonna let us have ice cream sundaes. We went to the steakhouse and I had a big steak it was so good. Hey, you should tell my dad sorry. So you can come to the batting cages with us."

"Sorry?" Jay stuttered.

"Yea. For whatever you did wrong, say sorry Jay. So you and dad can be friends again."

Bob checked his watch, Milo was taking forever. He turned to the cashier "My grandson is taking his sweet time to grab those potato chips, isn't he? Can I leave these three with you while I go get him?"

"Sure" the cashier continued to scan the items, "Not a problem."

"Milo..." Jay crouched down, "Its not that..."

"Milo! Let's go" Bob's booming voice ordered, "Go back to the register and keep an eye on your sisters and brother. I will be right there."

Milo pouted, "Ok. Bye Jay" he hugged him once more.

"Bye buddy. Be good."

Bob waited until Milo was no longer in ear shot, "I know you weren't driving that day, but you might as well have been. You need to stay away from my son and his family. Stay away from my grandchildren."

Jay sighed, "You hate me, I can see that. You'll never hate me as much as I hate myself." He no longer felt like shopping, "Take care of them." He pushed the cart off to the side and walked out.

Antonio was at his desk, they had nothing going on and it allowed him a chance to catch up on paperwork and touch base with his contacts and CI's. He grabbed the stack of envelopes and went through the mail.

The large envelope from the ivory tower piqued his interest, it had been a long time since he received something from them. Rarely was it good news.

As he slid it out he was stunned.

It had been a few weeks since Kim had visited her, and she was still haunted by the look in her once best friend's eyes. It was a look she'd never forget, she had hit rock bottom that morning.

In the days since that visit Erin started to make the changes she should have made ages ago. She started to open up to her counselor, she started attending the NA and AA meetings the prison offered. She finally admitted she had a serious substance abuse problem and she was going to face it head on.

A day late and a dollar short but better late than never.

 _Right?_

She was working in her journal, she had begun to write letters to everyone she had hurt, it had been cathartic to do so. Wether or not she would actually send the letters out she didn't know, but putting the emotions to paper had helped.

"Lindsay!" The guard called her, "Wrap it up. You're leaving in an hour."

Erin dropped the pen and swiveled around, "What?"

"Did I stutter? You're leaving. You're to clean up and leave everything but that notebook behind. Get moving."

"Where am I going?" Erin grabbed a hold of the bars, she could feel herself begin to panic. She had finally found her footing and she feared she was about to fall again.

"Rehab. Seems you've got connections. You're headed to some high end facility a rehab for the rich." She rolled her eyes, "Hurry up."

Kara was beside herself, pacing the length of the long corridor. Her heart pounding in her chest, anxious for Kevin to get back.

 _She needed him and she needed him now._


	14. Chapter 14

Kim did her usual nighttime routine. She started with Avery and watched as her two year old slept. The last year had been a chaotic one, so much had happened and it was all caused by a single event.

It was akin to skipping stones on a lake, you may have thrown just one but the effects of that one stone rippled throughout the lake. That was exactly what the accident had done, and the effects lasted for months.

They had a low key celebration for Avery's second birthday just a few weeks ago, she hated that her little girl's birthday was overshadowed by the accident. She hoped that as the years went on it wouldn't be an issue.

Avery had grown by leaps and bounds, her speech exploded. It was hilarious to watch her talk, she was so animated. She to was a daddy's girl just like her big sister. Though Emme was never as possessive of Adam as Avery had become. Heaven forbid Kim tried to kiss or hug Adam in front of Avery, she would shout 'my daddy!' it was pretty cute.

She pulled the blanket over her, and placed a kiss on the top of her head and quietly exited the room.

She stopped at Mikey's room next. Her sweet Mikey he too was growing up way to fast he was four and fast approaching five. It was hard to believe he would be going to kindergarten soon. He was all boy, though he wasn't much for sports despite both Milo and Adam trying to get him hooked on baseball and soccer. Mikey preferred to search for bugs and frogs, and play in the dirt.

Kim was never quite sure what she would find in the laundry, she quickly learned to make him empty his pockets before he came inside. You only needed to discover a frog in the laundry hamper once. She had never screamed so loud in her life that day, Adam came tearing into the laundry room with a look of terror in his eyes only to laugh hysterically when she explained the situation.

Mikey was a unique little boy and she loved it. He was such a sweetheart and she loved his outlook on life, the dirtier he was the happier he was. She didn't care that it often resulted in mountains of laundry. Her baby boy was happy and that was all that mattered.

She tidied up his room a bit before leaving, she didn't dare kiss him. He was still an incredibly light sleeper and she wouldn't risk waking him up.

Emerson was next, her big girl. Her survivor. Her warrior. Sweet Emme had come a long way in a year filled with setbacks and surgeries. Her leg healed as expected, it was her arm that had given Kim many sleepless nights. A few months after she had been discharged from the hospital, Emme had fallen during a friend's birthday party at a gymnastics center. It was a party Kim had been iffy on allowing Emerson to attend but it was Emme's best friend and she didn't have the heart to keep her home. So they went and Emme was having a blast until she fell awkwardly from the balance beam and instinctively used her hands to break her fall. It resulted in a fracture of the arm she had broken in the accident and required surgery to repair it.

It was a massive setback and her recovery had been painful, but she was truly on the mend now. She wasn't allowed to play sports of any kind nor could she participate in gym class at school for six months, she was just a few months out from having that lifted. Though, it didn't seem to slow her down, they were constantly reminding her to take it easy and to walk.

Kim kissed her and headed for Milo's room.

Her big boy had been given the room they used as an office, sharing a room with Michael wasn't an option. Milo was a 'tween' now, and he made it abundantly clear that he was too old to share a room. His pitch to them was pretty cute, he had put together a presentation for them on why he shouldn't share a room with his little brother. Little did he know, she and Adam had already discussed the move. They gave him the pleasure of thinking he had convinced them to do it.

He was eleven, and growing like a weed. He was a bottomless pit and seemed to grow a shoe size a month. He had always been on the small side, but he had suddenly jumped to the top of the growth chart and was among the tallest of his peers. He had been at best a pretty average soccer player but had loved the game. He loved all sports, but they discovered baseball was his game, he excelled at it. He was now on a travel team and had tournaments all over Chicago and have traveled throughout Illinois for games. They had spent many hours in the car traveling to and from games but they all enjoyed it.

She wasn't surprised to see him still up watching a ball game, "Hey sweet boy" Kim smiled as she sat at the foot of his bed. "Who is winning?"

"Not the Cubs" he grumbled, "They suck."

Kim had to laugh, he was so Adam like it wasn't even funny. "Honey, it's one game. They won it all least season, they don't suck."

"Last season was last season, Mom. They're playing sucky tonight. Too many errors." He rolled his eyes, "When is dad coming home? Did you talk to him yet?"

Kim moved to lay beside him, he laid against her chest. The only time he would willingly snuggle with her was at night. The nights Adam worked were tough on Milo he was well aware of the dangers Adam faced when he worked and he always sought Kim out for reassurance and hugs.

Adam had gone back to intelligence once IA wrapped up their case, no one truly knew what had gone down during the investigation but it resulted in Voight retiring and Antonio Dawson taking over the unit, Al had returned and he was the second in command.

"I didn't get to talk to him. He's undercover. Hopefully he will come home soon. Don't worry about dad. He's a great cop and he has a great team. Al, Antonio, and Jay are all great cops. They take care of each other."

"Cause they're family, right?"

"Right. They're family." Kim smiled.

It was a work in progress, and they still had their struggles but they had buried the hatchet with Jay and he was slowly returning to their lives. Kim was grateful for that, the kids adored Jay and they loved having him back in their lives.

Jay had struggled after the accident, he too had lost a lot. He cut all ties with Erin and as far as Kim knew he hadn't spoken to her in months. He had yet to get back in the dating game but Kim hoped he would soon. He had a lot to offer and she knew he yearned to be a dad.

"You wanna watch the game with me?" Milo looked up at her.

"I'd like that, Milo. I'd like that a lot." She kissed his head and settled in beside him. She wasn't a big fan of watching baseball on television preferring to see a game live but she loved cuddling up with her not so little boy.

Jay tossed the bottle of water to Adam, "Nice take down Ruz." He chugged half the bottle in one gulp, "that was good stuff."

Adam laughed, "You seemed shocked that I did it." He hung his vest on the hook, "I've been working out" he flexed his arms. He'd never be the size of Atwater or have the washboard abs that Jay had but he was pretty fit.

"Lifting beers doesn't count buddy" Jay tossed his empty bottle in the recycle box, "How are the kids?"

"Good. Driving each other crazy but good." Adam returned the arsenal of weapons to the storage room, "you should stop by the weekend they'd love to see you. It's the first weekend without one of Milo's games in months. I'm pretty sure Kim invited Atwater and Kara over for dinner. You should come."

Jay sucked his teeth, "Man...I don't know. I'm not sure if Atwater and Kara want to see me. I don't want to upset them."

"They don't blame you Jay. None of us do. It wasn't your fault." Adam explained, he felt pretty shitty over the way he initially treated Jay, "Think about it man. Milo will lose his mind if you show up."

Jay shook his hand, "Alright. No promises though. Drive safe man."

Some things you never forgot no matter how hard you tried to push it from your mind, out of nowhere it would smack you right between the eyes. It left you rattled and gasping for air, it felt as if everything was falling at your feet.

Those moments used to send her to scrambling for a drink or a fistful of pills. Those moments now sent her looking for her sponsor or one of her 'sober' friends. She now had a support system, not a clean up system. She now had people who held her accountable, no longer did she have people who fell over themselves to clean up her messes or sweep her addiction under a rug.

She was an addict. It was a long overdue admission.

It had taken a lot of blood, sweat, and tears to get to where she was now but she had finally done it.

She was clean.

She had her head on straight for the first time in a long time.

Her life was forever altered, she still talked to Hank. They had to face some harsh realities and they still had a lot of work to do but they'd do it together. She had lost Jay, she had let the idea of reconciliation go a long time ago she had destroyed his trust. Without trust they had nothing, she still loved him, but she had to let that thought go. He deserved so much more than she could give him, she was truly a work in progress. A romantic relationship wasn't in the cards now, she had no idea when she'd be ready to let someone in her heart again.

Jay would always be in her heart, and for now that was enough.

She had been moved to a halfway house and she started the outpatient portion of her therapy, and it was a nice change of pace. During her inpatient stay she was monitored twenty-four seven and it was nice to have the restrictions lifted just a bit.

She knew she needed to make amends, but how did you make amends with someone when you had hurt them so deeply? How could you make amends after altering their lives forever?

Was it even possible?

Adam couldn't keep the smile off his face when he found Kim curled up in Milo's bed, his wife and first born sleeping peacefully. He hated to wake her but the thought of sleeping without her by his side was almost more than he could bear.

He nudged her hip lightly, "Darlin', wake up." He whispered in her ear as he placed a feather light kiss on her temple.

Kim purred a bit as she woke, "Adam.." she rubbed her eyes, the television still on, "what time is it?"

"Just after two" Adam replied, he extended his hand to Kim to help her up, "Milo okay?" He asked before placing a kiss on his boy's head. He knew Milo worried about him when he was working a case. They did their best to shield the kids from the dangers of Adam's job but it was almost impossible. The media was forever dogging the Chicago police and Milo was aware of how dangerous it was to be a cop, it was even worse to be in intelligence or any other specialized unit. Adam did his best to reassure Milo but It was hard and Milo was afraid he'd get hurt.

"Yeah. He asked me to watch the game with him" Kim followed Adam to their bedroom, "it was nice to cuddle with him, I dozed off."

"Cubbies won" Adam kicked his boots off, "Came back to win it in the bottom of the ninth. We had it on in the surveillance van." He had been paired up with Olinsky and he enjoyed having the game on in the background as they watched Jay and Antonio make contact with their suspect. Though he was a little miffed that he ended up missing it the walk off home run, "Not that I got to see it, Olinsky told me all about it. I ended up chasing our guy for six blocks before I tackled his dumb ass."

He grimaced a bit as he attempted to pull his shirt over his head, "Oh..let me help." Kim helped lift the shirt over his head, the massive bruise along his rib cage was hard to miss, "Adam..."

He looked at her and shrugged, "I guess he got in a shot or two, I'm alright. Doesn't hurt too bad..."

"Well, I guess I don't need to kiss it then, huh?" Kim teased.

"Fuck it hurts, it hurts a lot." He laughed, pulling Kim into his lap, "it hurts all over babe, it was a rough night. I think I need a little lovin' to make me feel better."

"I bet you do." Kim giggled as she undid his belt.

"Left...now right...left.." Kevin stood behind KiKi holding her steady. Kiana was focused on each step, "Go on girl, you got it. Daddy is so proud of you!" He held her hips steady as she took each step with the aid of a walker. It had been a long hard battle but she was making strides, it was painfully slow some days but the good outweighed the bad. His girl was his hero, she had done far more than any of her doctors had expected.

He knew it though, he knew it from the day she spoke her first word after the accident. He hated that he had missed it and when he returned to the hospital and saw Kara pacing frantically outside her hospital room he was terrified. He had thought the worst and was elated when he learned that Kiana had spoken.

She didn't say much, but she had spoken.

Kiana had said 'No!'.

The doctor had been examining her and he had moved her teddy bear from the bed and she let him know she wasn't pleased.

Kevin couldn't stop the tears as they poured from his eyes.

His little girl was going to be okay, the doctors had tried to keep them from getting their hopes up, but Kevin knew. He knew that day that his little girl would be okay.

Now a year later, she was talking, and taking a few steps. She had finally been moved out of the rehabilitation hospital and was home and doing out patient physical, occupational and speech therapy. She was busting her ass to get better and Kevin and Kara couldn't be prouder of their little girl.

Things had finally started on to trend in the right direction for the Atwater family, and it was exciting.

Kim had been busy all morning, the house was a disaster. She had left the kids in Adam's seemingly capable hands to hit the gym and the grocery store before everyone was at the house for dinner. What was supposed to be just dinner with Kevin, Kara, and Kiana had turned into an impromptu birthday party for Avery. They would have a houseful in just a few hours, Jay was coming over along with her sister Nicole and Zoe.

Had she known that she would return home to this mess she would've bailed on the gym and brought the kids to the grocery store.

Coulda..woulda..shoulda.

Instead she sent Adam to the park with the kids while she deconstructed their blanket and pillow forts, and took care of the sink full of dirty dishes. Heaven forbid Adam wash a fucking plate. He could be infuriating some times, he was always getting caught up in some ridiculous game with the kids. She loved him for it, he was an amazing dad she just wished he wouldn't let it get too out of hand. He was her biggest kid some days.

Part of her release to the halfway house was to return to the hospital weekly to meet with her doctors and therapist, she was also subjected to random drug screenings. The first failure would result in a best case scenario of being readmitted to the hospital and at worst back to jail to finish the rest of her sentence.

She would do her damnedest to keep that from happening, and for the first time in her life she felt confident that she would stay clean. She knew to take it one day at a time. She was sober today and she'd worry about tomorrow..tomorrow.

Erin smiled at Dr.Paglia, "Hi. How are you today?" Erin sat opposite him, "It's beautiful out, isn't it?"

"Sure is. How are you adjusting to the freedom?" Dr.Paglia asked. "I've spoken to the director of the house, she spoke highly of you. Said you've been a model resident and you've taken to the program. That's good news."

Erin nodded, "I'm doing the best I can. I've got a lot to make up for. This is the first step. Staying clean and doing the right thing."

"I'm proud of you. Not everyone is lucky enough to be given the leniency that has been shown to you. You're fortunate."

"I don't know about that. I've made a lot of mistakes. Costly mistakes. I've hurt people that I loved. I hurt innocent people. Children. Sometimes I don't think I deserve to breathe..let alone see the outside of a jail cell."

"That's not up to us to question, Erin. You know that. Your job is to follow the program, take advantage of the opportunities you've been afforded. Don't blow it." He pulled open the drawer, "I received this letter the day you arrived here. It was part of your intake paper work. I was given very precise directions that you were only to receive it upon successful completion of the program. You've done that. Here it is." He handed it to her, "I don't know who it's from or what it says, I'm trusting you to read it and reach out for help if you need it. Call me or your sponsor. You think you can do that?"

The envelope felt heavy in her hands, "Yes. I can. I will call you if I need to." She turned it over in her hands hoping to get a hint of who it had come from.

"We need to head down to the lab, its test day."

Erin nodded, "I will pass with flying colors."

He returned her smile, he had been in the game long enough to know that relapses were par for the course and he waited for a clean test and never took his patient's word to be the gospel.

He hoped she was clean though.

Adam welcomed his dad inside, "Hey, Pops. Glad you could make it on such short notice." He took the case of beer from him, "The kids are out back."

"I'm glad you guys decided on a party." Bob set the present for his granddaughter on the table, "How's work?"

"Busy as usual. Hey, just a heads up. We invited Jay."

"Adam, that's fine. I have no issues with Jay. Today's about Avery. Let's leave the past in the past. Where it belongs. Now, if you'll excuse me I need to go find my grandchildren."

Adam laughed as his father made his way out back, he set the beer down and found Kim in the kitchen, "My pops is here."

"Good. Kara and Kevin are running late. Will you make sure there is a clear path for Kiana's wheelchair"

"Will do." Adam quickly set about moving the furniture.

"Daddy" Kiana called out, her speech was still a bit garbled and she had to take her time and worked hard to form each word as she spoke.

"Yes?"

"I...wanna...w-walk" she stammered a bit, "Show...K-Kim..."

"You wanna show Kim and Adam that you can walk?" Kara finished for her, "That's a great idea, they'll love it and they'll be so proud of you!"

Kiana grinned from ear to ear, "I strong!"

Kevin leaned down and kissed her cheek, "Yes, princess you are. The strongest little girl in the world."

Erin wiped the tears from her eyes. The letter in her hand, stained with her tears. Of all the people she guessed the letter would be from her, she never would have guessed this.

She was blown away.

She couldn't leave things like this, she needed a face to face.

The party was in a full swing, aside from a few awkward moments when Jay showed up it had been great.

Jay had apologized profusely when he saw Kevin and Kara come through the door, a few tears had been shed and they embraced.

Fractured friendships had been repaired, and it was long over due.

Kevin whistled, "Hey! Everyone, can I get a minute of your time?"

The crowd quieted, the only sounds were that of Avery as she happily babbled away in her daddy's arms.

"Sure, what's up?" Kim asked as she slipped her arm around Adam's waist.

"Actually, its Kiana who'd like a minute of your time. You see my princess has been busting her ass and well, she's ready to show you all what she has done."

Kim felt her eyes water, "No way!!"

"Yes!" Kara laughed, "My baby..."

"Walk...walking!" Kiana finished, she took a slow step with minimal support from Kevin, she continued on for about five or six steps before her legs began to wobble and Kevin supported her, "I can..w..walk." She was out of breath, but she had walked.

Adam pulled Kim closer against his chest and dropped a kiss on top of her head, he knew she was overcome with emotion, "KiKi, that's wonderful!"

Kara looked at Kevin through her tears, "That's not all, Kiana sweetheart, tell everyone our news"

"Baby. Mommy has baby" she grinned.

Erin asked the driver to wait for her, she took a deep breath before exiting the safety of the uber. She wasn't sure she'd be welcomed at their home but she had to try.

"Oh my god!! How awesome, when? How far along are you?" Kim grabbed Kara's arm and was having a hard time standing still. Her baby making days were over so it was great knowing their best friends would adding to their family and she'd soon have a baby to love on.

"I'm twenty weeks along. We wanted to keep it to ourselves for a bit, we wanted to allow Kiana time to process it and understand it all before we let the rest of the world in on it. I hope you're not upset, we debated telling you and Adam both..but I don't know..I guess we kind of liked it being just between us."

"Girl, I get it. I'm not upset at all. I just can't wait for it to arrive." Kim hugged her once more, "this is so great, isn't it Adam?"

Adam hugged Kara, "It is."

Kim hugged Kevin, "I'm so excited for you guys. Do you know what you're having?"

Kevin grinned, "We do. Babe, can I tell them?" She nodded her head, "What do you think of the name Kevin Lucas?"

"A boy!" Kim clapped her hands excitedly as Adam and Kevin hugged.

Kara grabbed Kim's hand, "We went back and forth on the name for a good bit, we picked Lucas..well.." she paused to catch her breath a bit, her emotions getting the best of her, "well..we wanted to pay tribute to Lucy. We picked Lucas to honor Lucy's memory. I hope that's okay."

Kim felt her lip quiver, "Thank you so much. It's beautiful. I love it, and I love you both."

"I will get it. You guys relax" Kim headed for the door.

The kids were engrossed in a board game and the adults were celebrating the good news, it had been an amazing day.

Erin rocked on her heels as she waited for the door to open, and she felt the oxygen race from her lungs when it finally opened, "Kim..."

To say she was shocked was an understatement of epic proportions, "What're you doing here?" She folded her arms in front of her.

Erin could see the agitation in Kim's eyes and her stance, "I needed to see you..to thank you.."

"No. Don't thank me." Kim stepped outside and pulled the door closed, "I see you received the letter." She had written it just before she had gone to the prison, she didn't even tell Adam about it until months later. She and Adam had a bit of a dust up over it but he soon understood why she had written it.

"I got it a few days ago, I've read it a thousand times since they gave it to me. I can't tell you how happy it made me..I'm so..."

"Don't. Don't say it." Kim cut her off, "I don't want your apology nor do I need it. I wrote that for me. I needed to release myself of the immense hatred I felt for you. It was eating me alive from the inside out. All I could think of was how much I hated you. I hated what you stole from my little girl, what you stole from Kevin and Kara's little girl. You robbed them of their innocence. I needed to let it all go for my own sanity. I didn't want you to have that power over me, and you don't."

"I don't..."

"Shut up. Just shut up. I thought I made it clear in the letter that I wanted nothing to do with you. I wanted you to get help, and to get your life together but that's where it ends. You are nothing to me. I don't hate you any more, but I never want to see you again." She was surprised at how calm she was, "I'm really not all that surprised that you showed up here. It seems one thing hasn't changed, you only care about yourself. You needed to feel better so you ignored my wishes and you showed up here."

"I shouldn't have come..."

"No. You shouldn't have."

Erin had to know, "Emme and Kiana..are they alright?"

"That's none of your business. Please leave my family alone. I wish you no ill will, in fact I hope you get your life back on track and that you find happiness. I really do. I will have nothing to do with you from this point on, as far as I'm concerned Erin Lindsay that I knew and loved died in that accident."

Erin shuddered at the sound of the door slamming.

Adam found Kim in the foyer, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah" Kim replied looping her arms around his neck, "Just some kid selling cookies..I sent her away. Let's go back to our friends."

"Let me get a kiss first" He smirked.

Erin climbed back in the car and directed him to take her to home. She had hope to bridge the gap between her and Kim just a tiny bit but she now knew that would never happen.

She had no one to blame but herself, and as devastated as she was it only strengthened her resolve to remain sober.

Perhaps one day in the future things would change but for now she had to take solace in the fact that Kim had given her another chance at happiness.

That even in the midst of her anger, Kim had given her a second chance at life.

She wasn't going to blow it.

"It wasn't a kid" Kim spoke softly.

"What?" Adam asked, his hand running up and down Kim's bare back.

"At the door earlier. It was Erin" she kissed his chest, "She read the letter. She tried to apologize."

"You should've told me darlin', I would've dealt with it." Adam moved out from beneath her and sat up, he flipped the light on, "Are you okay? Did she upset you?"

"Lay back down." she waited as he did so and returned her head to his chest, "I handled it. I didn't want her to ruin our day, I told her to leave us alone. I told her I no longer hated her. That she was dead to me."

"I'm sorry.."

"Don't be. I'm okay. I'm better than okay." Kim smiled, "I don't want to waste another thought on her. It's time to put it in the past and leave it there."

"Done."

"Now kiss me again Adam"

"I can do more than that, babe." Adam mumbled as he kissed his way across her neck.

 ** _That's a wrap._**

 ** _I know this wasn't a story that many Linstead fans enjoyed, and I get why they didn't. Yes, I've written Erin a bit OOC and it was something I was leery of doing but anyone who has dealt with an addict knows they do things they'd never do sober. I feel like the show seriously dropped the ball when it came to Erin and her issues with substance abuse. They hinted at it after Nadia's death and they touched on it a bit only to drop it completely and have her downing shots at Mollys._**

 ** _I struggled with the ending a bit, but I tried to redeem Erin a bit but wanted long lasting ramifications._**

 ** _Thanks for reading and leaving reviews, I enjoy hearing what you all had to say._**


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